How to get along with brother and sister in-laws
Getting along with brother and sister in-laws is sometimes no easy thing. Sometimes it is an easy thing; because your brother and sister in-laws aren't deranged people, seemingly. But every so often one gets in these situations where, yes, one's brand-new brother or sister in-law seems like a deranged person, and it's all one can do to stay in the room with them. But let's look a little more closely at the idea of a brother or sister in-law being a deranged person.
We use these dramatic terms because bad brother and sister in-law relationships are amongst the worst relationships known to humanity. They've been known to tear apart families, root and branch. They tear apart brothers and sisters who've been lifelong friends and pals. Usually, this tearing apart is due to people getting married who don't know each other very well, so that there are all these surprises after the wedding feast and great celebrations have ended. Needless to say, these are negative surprises-the wife discovers that her new husband is a disgusting pig of a man, the husband discovers that his new wife is a shrewish, mean hag of a woman. However, this isn't the only case that concerns us here. Maybe the newly married couple simply adore each other-but the rest of the family can't stand them (or what they've become) together-can't stand them as a unified entity. In either case, how does one get along with one's brother or sister in-law?
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Really, the simplest option one has for getting along with one's brother or sister in-law is simply to avoid intimate interaction with them. That is, if one can tell that this new brother or sister in-law is going to be a problem right from the beginning, one carefully cultivates a relationship that's more formal than otherwise. One smiles and is polite, but doesn't pour out the inner secrets of one's heart to this new member of the family. It's surprising how often the opposite action is taken; how often a person's instincts is to just ingratiate themselves with someone they can't stand, thinking that they'll force a friendship as it were and save the day. But one can't force friendship, and one ends up worsening an already negative relationship and beginning to sour what was a good relationship (with one's natural brother or sister). It's best just to keep one's distance, and treat the new in-law almost as one would treat a co-worker; with formal friendliness.
There are cases where one can develop a good relationship with a brother or sister in-law that seems absolutely impossible at the start but improves as time goes on. In these cases one must behave very intelligently and cautiously, and not rush things. Also, one must behave charitably. One must look for the good things in this new in-law. One must try to see why one's brother or sister would have married this person. In fact, thinking of the feelings of one's brother or sister is a great way to develop charity toward their new spouse. It's not as if one has to live with one's new brother or sister in-law; one only has to rub shoulders with them on holidays and so forth. So, one looks for the good things, the attractive things, about this person, and slowly develops a relationship based on the most fundamental things, such as a similar tastes in movies, for example, or a love of hiking, or an interest in some strange topic such as true crime.
Whether one's new brother or sister in-law is simply impossible, or whether there's a chance of cautiously developing a relationship, always remember the golden rule, because the golden rule is golden. If one treats one's new brother or sister in-law as one would wish to be treated in their shoes, one generally can't go wrong. Even if one never develops a friendship with one's new brother or sister in-law, one at least doesn't have to feel the guilt that's associated with behaving rottenly toward another human being with human feelings.
