How to get past jealousy and insecurity over past relationships
Let's face it, most people have had more than one relationship in their lives, and sometimes their past relationships were very intimate. It is natural to feel some jealousy and insecurity about these past relationships, but it is not healthy. If you want your current relationship to survive you're going to have to deal with your feelings and your partner's feelings about previous relationships. How can you deal with the vast array of emotions you feel because of these previous relationships? Try the following:
Recognize the effects. No matter what number of relationship it is, or how many past relationships your partner has had, feelings of jealousy and insecurity can cause a lot of stress. Being stressed is not good for you or your relationship.
A lot of times this stress is a direct result of wanting to exert some type of control over the other person. This is not possible, and it should be avoided. So, try to let go of this need and understand that you simply can't control another person. No matter what your fears are, you being jealous is not going to help them. The fact is trying to control the person and make them love you and forget about everyone else in the world usually results in the opposite.
One of the biggest underlying causes of jealousy and insecurity is feeling like you own the person, and then having them act in a way that you don't think is right. So, to have a good relationship, and get over the fact that they have had past loves is to just allow other people to be themselves and love them for who they are and be glad that they offer you the same courtesy, even when you are not exactly who they want you to be.
Next, you have to recognize that in many respects the past does not matter. Who they have or have not been with pales in comparison to the fact that they are with you now. The fact is that they made decisions that got them to you. It is also fact that those past relationships you feel insecure about and jealous about are what have made your partner the person you're in love with today, so be grateful for them instead of jealous.
Your past relationships helped to form how you act and react in the current relationship you are in, and the same is true for them.
If you know you are going to get jealous and insecure don't ask about past relationships, and ask them not to share. A lot of people use past relationships like some bad thing and hang it over your head, or brag about them, etc. This is also unhealthy, so be aware of their past, but not in too much detail. You do not need to hear that they made out with their past boy friend or girl friend in the diner you are eating at. They don't either, so keep that stuff to yourself, and they will too.
Get some self confidence and recognize that if they still wanted to be with that person they would be. Even if the person broke up with them, they would not have moved on to you if they seriously wanted that person. They may miss the past person, you probably have a few people you miss too, but does that mean you are less important to them, or them to you? No! So look at it from your perspective. You have those too, and how do you feel about them? Then use your confidence and enjoy life.