How to have an equal marriage
We've all heard the equation YOU+ME=US but none of us really knew what it meant until the day we said "I do." That's when the marriage began, when US means "I can no longer go out with the boys" while "YOU stay home and take care of the massive load of dishes from last night's party." You are now part of a team, and this is an important team that requires hard work, long hours, frustrations and sometimes pain. But this team also gives you love, comfort and a life-partner.
Think back to your soccer or softball team, if you forget that you are part of a team and start playing for yourself it causes problems with all aspects of the team. It's almost impossible to win the game if you aren't communicating, thinking of each other, and helping each other out. Marriage isn't a game and it's not about winning but it does require a lot of the same goals that a sports team does. Each player on the team has to play their part and help out when the other players are not able to take on their full share of responsibility.
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You have already found the best members of the team, the person you want to spend the rest of your life with and who wants to be with you. You should have trust for each other, have mutual goals, wants and needs for your life and your communication skills work together. A team, or marriage needs diversity, each person brings their own weaknesses and strengths into the marriage. Two people who are constantly battling for the leader position will not create an equal marriage; you have to share the responsibilities and roles in a marriage.
A great way to figure out what each of you want and need from the other, is to discuss it, make a list of what you expect from your partner and share that list with them. Find the discrepancies and figure them out. Don't let one partner take on all the responsibilities of cleaning or taking care of the home, you both live there, you both have your own clutter, pick up after yourself.
Communicate with each other; there cannot be any jealousy, resentment, or animosity, between partners. All issues must be resolved as soon as possible so that the problem does not fester and cause further problems. Don't expect your partner to do all the work when planning an activity or event. Working together helps build a strong relationship. The stronger the relationship, the better you can deal with life. You are partners now; use that for you, not against you.
Both members of the marriage have to be willing to work on whatever comes their way. Life is full of surprises, when you are part of a marriage, or a team, those surprises affect you too. Something as simple as a cold can throw the team off balance. Instead of being upset dinner is not on the table, take care of dinner yourself. How do you feel when you have a cold? Are you full of all your normal energy, ready to take on the world? Think how you would feel if you were going through what your partner is going through.
When all aspects of the marriage are happy, when each person feels like they are an equal in the marriage, it will bring understanding to each of you on how you both are special, how you both have to work together and bring your own strengths into play. Your team wins the game when those feelings shine through.
