How to know when enough is enough
Knowing when to get out of a bad relationship is an important skill that everyone who is dating should develop and continue to maintain. It can be difficult to get to know people, but once there is any question about a person's ability to control themselves it is time to get out.
Some people choose to stay in physically abusive relationships for years and years. It would be a lot better if people could detect potential problems and leave before they developed into something much worse. But, it usually just isn't that easy. Often abusive relationships develop over time. The abuser slowly works away at the victim's self esteem until they often don't fight against serious abuse. There are key signs that signal that a relationship is heading towards abuse and when anyone of these signs begins to develop into a consistent pattern then enough is enough.
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Criticism
An abusive relationship often starts with criticism. This is the way that an abuser develops power and control in a relationship. Criticism can include sarcastic comments, embarrassment that is demeaning, and any other form of put down. This type of criticism is never constructive or shared to help a person become better. In a relationship, a person should never experience the kind of criticism that eats away at his or her self esteem. Who wants to be involved with someone who puts then down all the time anyway? No one. And no one should be in a relationship like that. The purpose of a relationship is to find companionship, to find someone who sees the best in you and loves you. There is absolutely no room in a good relationship for mean or rude criticism. Every person should have enough self respect to not allow anyone that they are dating to be negative and critical of them. To be honest, enough is enough when one partner's criticizing hurts the other's self esteem.
Control
A hallmark of abusive relationships is one person having all of the control in a relationship. It is important to look for signs of control-issues when dating someone. Do they have to make all the decisions? Do they have to be in control of all the money? Do they have to decide who to hang out with? Do they always want to be alone? Do they decide what sorts of sexual activity will happen? A person who is abusive will always have to be in control. Enough is enough when there is no communication and compromise. A relationship is not one person telling another person what to do. A relationship is talking together and deciding things together. A person should get out of any relationship where they have no say in their own life.
Excuses
Enough is enough when the victim starts excusing the abuser's behavior. There is no excuse for someone to be violent, mean, and out of control. Someone like that does not deserve to be in a relationship until they can get a handle on their emotions. And there is certainly no room for excuses in a physically abusive relationship. There shouldn't be any bruises on a person's body, spirit, or soul as a result of a relationship that they are in. It is inexcusable. It is dangerous and the victim in any situation like this needs to get help and get out. No person deserves to be hurt and no person is to be blamed for another's complete lack of self restraint. It just shouldn't happen.
Abusive relationships are dangerous and wrong. Enough is enough in any relationship where a person is criticizing and controlling another. By the time the victim is making excuses for the abuser it is way overdue to get out of the relationship. Part of the reason it is so difficult for people to leave a bad situation is that the abuser will come back later and apologize and tell the victim how much they love them. They will make a big deal about making up and getting things right. Don't fall prey to that. Use the baseball rule: three strikes you're out. Three critical comments, three controlling situations, and they are out. Don't let any abuse progress to the point where there are bruises. It shouldn't happen; get out.
