How to make an interracial marriage succeed
Marriage can be tough. It is tough because you are trying to take two people who grew up with different values, views, and lifestyles, and trying to fuse them together. You fight. you fight about money, because your views on who should make it, and how it should be spent are different. You fight about your children because your views on their role, discipline, and how to raise them are different. You probably fight about a lot of things, and 99% of the time, those fights are caused by different viewpoints, and thus a lack of understanding on why, or how, the other person could think what they think. Even people that grow up in the same neighborhood, with the same friends, etc. can learn different things, have different values, and thus problems in marriage. Interracial marriages often times just complicate the matter. Why? Well, as a race you have a whole other set of values, codes, ethics, traditions, customs, mind sets, and ways of life that another race may not understand.
However, this does not mean that interracial marriages can not succeed. On the contrary, what it actually means is that it may be more difficult, but it may also be easier. How? Well, you will have different views, but at least you go into the marriage with the understanding that you have that, thus acceptance of it, and avoidance the problems that often go along with it, are easily avoided.
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The following are some tips and suggested things you can do in order to make an interracial marriage succeed:
Familiarize your self with the other's culture, customs, lifestyles, and traditions. Understanding these areas of their life will not come to you in one day, one week, or even in one year. However, working toward understanding them is an important part of making your relationship succeed. Familiarizing yourself with what makes your spouse tick, will help you "walk in their shoes" understand their views, and see their reasoning when you have a problem.
Decide now not to listen to what others say. Some times it is the insensitive comments of others that lead to problems in interracial marriages. If you can decide now not to let such comments bother you, and if you learn to ignore them, they won't come between you and your spousr.
Let your friends and family know you do not want to hear anything bad about your spouse, so if they have a negative comment they should keep it to themselves. Whether you are in an interracial marriage or not, when people you love and respect say something negative about your spouse, it is harder not to listen to them. However, if you tell people from day one that you won't listen, they are less likely to say things to you.
Do what you can to fit in, but learn to appreciate each other's differences. (Don't try too hard, or you look like you are mocking)
You want to make efforts to fit in with your spouse's family. So, if for dinner every Christmas eve they eat a really ethnic dish, and you don't really like it, eat it anyway. However, don't do things that are inappropriate in order to fit in. For example, if you are Indian, and you marry someone who is black, don't try and talk in ebonics, to fit in. Sometimes people offend races by doing typical stereotypes in order to fit in, when those stereotypes do not hold true for everyone. This can be offensive.
Besides doing things to help lessen your differences because of race, you will also want to do things that help any marriage succeed (regardless of the race of the partners.)
Communicate
Share your love with each other
Spend time together daily
Share common interests
Always remember why you married them in the first place
If you can learn to do these things, the differences your races bring into your marriage will be pleasant, will add variety, and interest rather than pull the two of you apart.
