First and foremost you have to care more about the people then the money. If you care about your money more than you do about your family and friends, then never lend them money, never buy them gifts, and never talk about money with them. If you lend them money and they do not pay you back, then your relationship will be ruined. If you buy them gifts, and they do not buy you something equally great for your birthday or holidays, etc. then you will have hard feelings about them. So, if money matters more than people, then it is best for you to steer clear of spending any money on, or talking about money around people.

Ok, for everyone else, the best way to make sure money does not make a problem in family or friend relationships is to set a policy for yourself. If you are tight on money, and it would put you in a real bind to lend someone money and have them not pay you back, NEVER lend it to them.

Lending money is one of the fastest ways to improve, or destroy a relationship. If you lend money to a friend, and they can not pay you back, they will either come to you, and you will work something out, and your relationship will be stronger because of it; or, they will stop talking to you, and avoid you so that they do not have to admit that they messed up. So, you have to ask yourself if you are going to be able to have a relationship with this person still if they pay you back or not. If the answer is no, even if it is no because of them, then do not lend them money.

Another way to make sure money does not become a problem in family or friend relationships is to not make money an issue. While it might be fun to have a shared cell phone plan with your friend, consider the consequences to your relationship if there were overage charges, or if they could not make their bill one month. If you play the "I'll get you this time, you get it next time" game with friends, you have to ask yourself how comfortable you are going to be if every time you are paying it is champagne and caviar, and every time they get it, it is convenience store hot dogs and fountain drinks.

You do not have to avoid lending money, or picking up tabs, or planning fun vacations your friends can not afford etc. to keep money from being a problem. You do have to know whether or not money is going to affect your feelings toward someone. If you can keep your money issues and feelings for friends separate, it won't be a problem.