How to mend hurt feelings in a family
One of the most difficult relationships anyone has in this life is with their immediate or extended family members. Family members are those with whom we form the closest but also the most strained bonds. When you spend so much of your life and time with eachother you come to love and hate eachother. In the natural course of things families struggle and naturally fight. The fights are to be expected and are an ordinary part of life. However, when a fight starts that doesn't seem to end, it is necessary to mend hurt feelings and to become friends again. Some families continue to fight after many years, and the results can be disastorous. Brothers and sisters stop speaking, and the amazing bond of love between parent and child can be completely destroyed. What could have been years of love and good memories turns into bitterness and regret. If you find that your family has fallen apart because of some difference in opinion or attitude, you need to work to mend the hurt feelings. This can be a difficult and painful task but the rewards for doing so are absolutely worth your while.
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The first step in mending hurt feelings is to get over whatever situation or disagreament caused the division in the first place. If you, your siblings, or your parents still feel a great deal of anger about what has transpired it will be very hard to ever get back together. Realize that the health and happiness of your family is worth more than being right or feeling justified. Many people like to feel angry or victimized but eventually these feelings are replaced by regret and emptiness. When you or your family members have reached the point where being angry or hurt no longer makes sense it will be time to fix the problem. Before this point you might have a very difficult time getting reconciliation.
It is also very important to be patient throughout the mending process. The feelings that pull a family apart are feelings that run very deep. Even if people want to fix the problem it will take time to overcome their emotions and to build positive ones. In fact, it is important to help your family build positive memories in order to forget the old negative ones. Think of activities that get everyone together that are low stress and socially productive. Try to avoid revisiting past problems during these meetings.
Once your family has started to feel good about each other again you should start to talk about the things that drove you apart. Speak respectfully and kindly but make sure that you express how certain things make you felt. The only way to get past some of the feelings that keep you apart is to express them. Do not yell or shout about what made you angry; the key is to express the emotion but not in a destructive way. Calm, focused discussion should repair wounds and heal pain.
These steps should help you to heal the wounds that have kept your family apart. Although you can never capture lost time, you can build new relationships that will redeem the lost ones. Any good time spent together with family is worth while. With some patience and energy you should be able to do the things that will heal a broken family. These situations are delicate and require focused attention, but it is possible to fix the problem. What might have seemed to be an impossible gulf can become a healthy family again.
