How to resolve conflict in any relationship
The following are some steps for resolving conflict in any relationship:
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- State your position, be clear: If you want to resolve a conflict, you have to know what the position you are taking is, and so does the other person. So, be clear!
- Compare the positions, what is different, what is common in your demands: This may seem really scientific, but the truth is, if you want to resolve a conflict, you have to determine where the conflict lies. So, look at your position, and look at theirs, what things are you conflicting on. It could be simple, or complex.
- Resolve the points that are not in common: If you have points not in common, this is the time to resolve them. You do this by first taking into account the differences. Let's look at an example. You want to go to church, your partner doesn't. Why? You want the spiritual uplifting you get from church, and so do they. However, they do not want to get up at 5:30 a.m. on Sunday to get it when they work late on Saturday night. Your conflict is not about church, it is actually about getting to sleep in. Now you can come to a resolution.
- Have some give, have some take: If you want to resolve a conflict, you have to give and take. You can't just give all, or take all. You can give and give at first, but this does not resolve a conflict it just bandages it for a while.
- Find innovative solutions and reach a common position. It is time to take the differences in your conflict and try to reach an innovative solution. Innovative does not mean you give in and say, "Ok, no church." It means you together come to a solution. Maybe it could be that you find a different church to go to that meets later. Or you find a way to change the schedule of your partner so that they do not have to work late on Saturday, and can get up early enough on Sunday.
- Go through the conflict, what position can find a peaceful resolution? You have to examine options and determine what position you can both take for a peaceful resolution.
- Examine what is left: the positions that are left, have no common solutions and they are the ones that can damage the relationship. If after examining the conflict there are still some positions that are left that you can't find a peaceable solution on, you need to be very careful. These points are what ruin relationships.
- Determine if this position is out of preference or principle: So that you do not ruin a relationship about nothing, ask yourself if it is out of principle or preference, and be honest. Do you not want to go to church because you do not believe in it, or because you would rather be watching football? The first would be principle, the second preference. Principle positions can't be changed, preference ones must be changed if you do not want to ruin the relationship.
- Give a little: This means little sacrifice, little understanding, little discussions, combined with listening to each other, respecting one another's position. If you give a little, you will soon be able to fine a resolution to any conflict.
- Resolve quickly. Or, it turns into something bigger.
- Remember the relationship: If you want to resolve a conflict, you have to put the relationship first, not your personal feelings, or the things you want.
