How to stay friends after a breakup
"But I still want to be friends." That is a famous last line during the infamous breakup scene. Most of us scoff at it or spit at it. But sometimes it is a genuine feeling. Who doesn't want to stay friends after a breakup? That person walks away with days, weeks, months, or years of important memories of our lives. It can be really heart-wrenching. So is it possible to stay friends after a breakup?
A big part of staying friends after a breakup involves what happens during the breakup. Breaking up a relationship is a difficult thing. In a mature relationship there are usually serious reasons why a person severs a romantic interest. Usually one person basically tells the other person that there is something about their personality or nature that they just can't deal with. These conversations can get ugly fast. People all have a natural instinct to defend themselves, which is why breakups can turn into a nasty name calling session. Obviously it is highly unlikely to remain friends after an episode like that. So to really remain friends after a breakup, be sure to be honest, clear, and decent during a breakup.
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Give it some time. There are very few wounds that can't be healed with a little bit of time. It may take a while for the flames to really die down on one side or the other. It would be a good idea to avoid any contact for a while to make sure that the physical habits that have been developed during the relationship aren't repeated. It can take weeks to break habits, so be sure to give it plenty of time. When those old flames burn down, the once romantic relationship can probably pick back up as a friendly one instead. But the hurt from a broken heart will definitely need time off before it is ready to reach out a friendly hand. So being friends after a breakup will require lots of time.
After letting things cool off for a while, honestly evaluate the situation. What sort of friendship can be expected? What are the limits of this new friendship? It is important to make a distinction or a change in one's mind about the nature of the relationship with this person. Things will definitely not be the same, a boyfriend or girlfriend is a different type of relationship than a friendship. So be sure to really think things through.
Try having a really open conversation with the other person. Friendship goes both ways. To really recreate a friendship after having a romantic involvement, both people have to agree to be friends. That may seem silly, but people often assume that other people want the same things they want. It just doesn't work that way. So talk to the other person and see if he or she agrees to recreate a friendship.
Pay attention to nonverbal communication. Even after becoming friends again, there will likely be some subjects that are still taboo. It would be important to watch for nonverbal communication to help keep a good friendship alive. Maybe one person is so over the previous romantic feelings that they feel very natural about discussing new romantic interests. If they really value the friendship, however, they should be careful to notice how these thoughts are received. If the other person stiffens, seems uncomfortable, doesn't know what to say, etc. they should probably give this subject a little more time to cool off.
Overall, it doesn't work for every relationship or even for most relationships, but being friends after a breakup can work for some people. It will definitely require a `good' breakup, lots of time, some reevaluation and discussion, and good communication.
