How to tell a friend their spouse is cheating and still remain friends
There are probably not many things that are worse than finding and having actual proof that your friends spouse is cheating on them. Marriage is hard enough right, so if you happen to be the only person who knows that this is going on then how do you tell your friend their spouse is cheating and still remain friends?
This is a sticky subject because after all this is someone's marriage and their spouse. Before you think of ways to tell them you have to first ask yourself if you're even good enough friends that they'll believe you or will it just ruin your friendship. And the second thing you want to think about is that you are absolutely one hundred percent sure that the spouse is cheating; if it's just a rumor or you have no actual proof then it might be better not to say anything yet because your friend is more likely to side with their spouse even if it is true. If this is a good friend and you are sure that the spouse is cheating then here are some ideas on how to tell your friend their spouse is cheating and still remain friends.
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Take them out for dinner. For some reason food can help digest unwanted information. There's just something about sitting over a good meal where you can pick at the food until something like this has really sunk in. Taking them out for dinner is also a safe place where they won't feel truly threatened by just you. They won't feel like you are attacking them; there will be other people around to break the awkward silence and give them the time they need to figure out what you've just told them without acting really irrationally.
Get other close friends together. You have to be careful about this because you don't want to spread rumors to others who may not be trustworthy and don't already know what's going on. Usually however, there is at least one other person that has an inkling of what's going on and can be a support to you and to your friend. Approaching your friend with someone else will support your claims and allow another viewpoint to be brought into the situation.
Make a phone call. If approaching your friend face to face just isn't your style then you can always make a phone call. This might actually make your friend feel a little less attacked if you talk with them over the phone. A phone call can be approached carefully yet still allow you to get the information to her that you feel is important. Phone calls are also less threatening as you are not face to face. It also gives them time to think about what you've actually just said without sitting awkwardly with them face to face. Be prepared however for the phone to go dead if they decide to hang up on you. This is a lot of information to take in.
These are just a few ideas on how you can tell your friend that their spouse is cheating, but how do you remain friends through all of it, especially if they take it really hard and blame you. Here are some suggestions on trying to remain close:
Give them some time. As hard as you try there is no way (unless you've been through it) that you can know how they feel so give them some time and space to think things through. If they don't return your phone calls don't keep trying; give them some time to let things sink in.
Be supportive. If you're thinking that this means to only support them if they decide to leave the cheating spouse you're wrong. If you are good friends with them you will need and want to support them with whatever decision they decide to make; whether it be staying to work things out, or leaving them.
Be there. If this comes as a complete shock to them make sure they know that you are there whenever they need a friend to talk or a place to stay. Letting them know that you're there if they need you will always be a comfort.
Telling a friend their spouse is cheating is hard enough, but trying to remain friends is another story. There are many parts to a situation like this and as a friend you have to be supportive and encouraging to your friend.
