Ignoring problems doesn't keep relationships strong

manrelaxingatdesk30846571.jpgEveryone has had a relationship with someone, a parent, a lover, a neighbor, a friend. And, everyone is familiar with the fact that there can be problems in relationships. What most people do not realize is that by ignoring problems or feelings, etc. you are not preserving the relationship, but ruining it. The most common example of this is when two people are friends, and one starts to like the other person.

Often, someone will not tell the other person how they feel about them because they want to try and preserve the relationship. They fear that if they tell the other person that they are attracted to them, and have feelings for them, that they will lose the friendship. The problem with this line of thinking is that it is very one dimensional, and relationships are not. Who knows what will cause the friendship to end, or if it will. You could not say anything, and have it peter out in a few months anyway. However, by not talking about something you are feeling, you almost certainly doom the relationship to failure.

Why is this? It is because unspoken or not communicated feelings may, over time, create a tension in the friendship. They may suspect your feelings, and not know how to respond, or you may try so hard to hide the feelings that in the process you pull away from the person and hide other parts of yourself as well. Basically, tension is not good for relationships, and unspoken thoughts can cause tension.

Healthy relationships are built on trust and communication, even if that communication is difficult and risky. Most relationships pose some sort of risk, and all fulfilling and satisfying relationships pose risk. Without the risk, without putting your heart and trust on the line, you do not have something of value.

Problems are risky, talking about feelings, and sorting out what you want and who you are can be a hard thing to deal with, but ignoring those problems will lead to unhealthy relationships and relationships that are full of tension.

How can you know if the risks are worth it? This is the heart of the issue. When you ignore a problem it is equal to saying you are unwilling to take the risks associated with it. So, start by evaluating what you want from the relationship, and whether or not you can get that from ignoring the feelings, problems, etc. Then ask yourself what the potential for greater happiness is, and whether or not it is something you want to seek out. The toughest part of relationships is knowing your own mind. You may think friendship matters more to you than anything else, but can't shake the idea that you could have so much more with this person.

Weigh the risk with your personal risk tolerance to determine what course of action to take.

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