First, you have to understand why it is important to improve friendship in your marriage.

One of the biggest problems facing marriage today is that too often people get comfortable in their marriage, and then they start to treat their spouse poorly. It is like because you are so close to your spouse they become the person you dump on when you have a bad day, or you feel like you can tell them everything that is wrong with them, and are not as considerate about their feelings, etc. It is a shame, but it is true that in many cases, the patterns and beliefs we hold about marriage and commitment, lead to us treating our spouses worse than anyone else in our lives. It is unfortunate that for many, once you establish a firm commitment with your partner, there is a sense of safety, which allows you to treat each other disrespectfully, rudely, and to take each other for granted in a way you just never would with a dear friend. Soon these actions lead to resentment and hurt, and if the pattern is not changed, lead to unhappy or failed marriages.

As you work to improve your friendship in your marriage, this problem is often eradicated, and instead of thoughtlessly picking on your spouse, you learn to value their feelings, and you start to treat them like a trusted friend. This in turn leads to happier, healthier relationships. So, why should you improve friendship in your marriage? So you can have a better marriage!

Second, you have to know how to cultivate a friendship in regular and meaningful ways.

How do you cultivate a friendship between the two of you in a regular and meaningful way? Put simply you have to treat each other truly as valued, respected and admired friends. However, this is not always a simple task. Let's look at some tips for how to cultivate friendship in regular meaningful ways:

Tip one: Treat your spouse how you want to be treated.

This is the golden rule, but it is critical to having a good friendship and a good marriage. It is also important when applying this tip that you remember the role your spouse plays in your life. They are your partner-in-life first and foremost. Do you want the experience of life to be happy and pleasant? Then treat the individual you spend it with the way you would want to be treated. Typically, when a person is treated with respect, honor, and admiration, they tend to want to reciprocate and naturally do so. This means if you treat them well, they in turn should treat you the same. If you show them respect, they will show you respect. If you admire them, they will in turn admire you. If you confide in them, they will confide in you. And the list goes on. If they do not, then you need to seriously look at what the past hurts and resentments are standing in the way of this natural process. There are times when improving friendship is going to be a slow process, and often it is due to the fact that they are holding on to something in order to protect themselves and keep themselves from getting hurt again. Just like in friendships outside of marriage, it may take some time for the trust to return. Patterns are hard to break, and if you have neglected your friendship for too long, and have allowed criticism, contempt, scorn, stonewalling, and other destructive behaviors to be a part of your marriage, it could take some time for the wounds to heal. Do not give up.

Tip two: Never be too busy for your spouse.

Life is busy. You are going to have responsibilities that are overwhelming at times. Between work, family, school, keeping your house together, etc. it is easy to let your spouse be your last priority. However, a true friend is one who never seems too busy to lend an ear, spend a moment, lend a hand, do something thoughtful, or help solve a problem. No matter how busy you are, never be too busy to stop what you are doing and kiss your spouse goodbye when they head out the door. No matter how much you have on your plate, if your spouse needs some time to just chat it up with you, do it. If you seem like you are unhappy or unwilling, they won't ask you again, and your friendship will decline rather than improve. However, if you can find ways to always make them feel like they matter more than whatever else you have going on, you will have a successful marriage. If your friend phones you when you are busy, do you ignore the call? Usually not. So, offer the same courtesy to your spouse. If you are watching a game and they need to talk, turn it off for a few minutes. These small gestures are the most meaningful ones, and the ones that help them see how important they are to you.

Tip three: Accept your spouse, both their strengths and weaknesses.

When you make friends, you do not expect them to be perfect. So, why expect that of your spouse? It is good to want your spouse to turn their weaknesses into strengths, and encourage them to do so, but it is equally good to show them that you love and accept them, strengths and weaknesses together. Focus on improving your own weaknesses and you will likely see them do the same.

Do you nit-pick your friends about things they are not good at? Do not do it to your spouse. There are times and places for talking about things, and you need to pick your battles. If you constantly try to show your spouse where they are wrong, or where they could do better, you will inadvertently make them feel like they are not good enough. In a normal friendship, this would usually result in a disillusionment of the relationship. In a marriage, it results in unhappiness, often for some time, and unless fixed, results in resentment, divorce, etc.

Tip four: Help your spouse reach their potential.

There is a quote that goes: "A friend is one who knows you as you are, yet sees within you all that you can do or be someday . . . who inspires and encourages your efforts with praise for every step along the way." This is a very important quote to apply to your marital friendship in order to improve it and thus your marriage. Look at, accept, and love your spouse for who they are right now, but never stop encouraging them to reach their inner-potential, and be more. Praise them, encourage them, and inspire them. If you do not believe in your spouse, it will be hard for them to believe in themselves. So, be the kind of friend exemplified in this quote, and never stop encouraging your spouse, even if they fail time and again.

Tip five: Be a safe person to turn to.

When you were in high school, if something went wrong in your life, chances are you turned to your friends for help, advice, and support. Even if it was a friend you had not seen in a while, you knew that should you need a shoulder to cry on, or an arm of support they would be there for you. Be that kind of friend to your spouse. Show them daily through your actions that you will be there in good and bad, and that you will be a safe person to come to. Not someone who will pass harsh judgment, or criticize, or condemn, rather someone who is there for you, and will help you in whatever way you need help. Often times our friendships start to fail because instead of turning to our spouses in times of need, we turn elsewhere for fear of the reprisal we might get from our spouse. This is unhealthy, and easily remedied.

Third, understand that it is never too late to start improving marital friendship.

The beauty of applying the principle of friendship in your relationship is that you can start any time, and anywhere. You do not have to let patterns of neglecting this aspect of your relationship continue. You hold all the cards. You are in complete control over how you treat your spouse, and how good of friends you are. So, get back to the basics of friendship, trust, acceptance, having fun together, confiding in each other, etc. Apply the qualities and characteristics of friendship to your marriage daily, and determine from day to day how you want to treat each other, then do it. You will find that as you improve your friendship, your marriage relationship as a whole will improve in kind.