1. Evaluate your behaviors: You can't learn how to be unselfish in love if you do not first recognize the negative behaviors in yourself. So, you need to determine the things you are doing that are selfish so that you can make the changes you need to make. If you aren't doing well with determining your behavior problems, then ask your spouse, or the person you are in a relationship with to help you come up with some of the things that you do that are selfish. If you want to do a self evaluation then consider specific situations, and how you respond to them.

For example, when it is dinner time, do you fix what you want, or do you ask the family what sounds good to them? When your husband comes home in a bad mood, do you let it make you in a bad mood because he did not ask after your day, or do you stay happy?

2. Make good changes: After you evaluate your behaviors, it is time to make some positive changes. Write down the selfish behavior, and then write down the change you want to make. You then should write down the steps you need to take toward reaching that goal.

Examples may include the following:

Usually wants your own way. Learn how to compromise.

Wants instant gratification. Learns to be patient, and postpone immediate gratification for future goals.

Gets pouty when things don't go your way, gets temperamental. Learns to control emotion and be even-tempered.

Depends on others to be happy. Can be independently happy, regardless of what others do.

Acts impulsively. Learns to think before acting.

Is not dependable. Learns follow through and can be counted on.

Resists authority and advice. Learns to seek advice from those that can give it.

3. Learn to lose the judgment. Part of being unselfish in love is learning how to lose the judgment and the conditions that you put on people. For example, do not put conditions on your love, such as "If they treat me right" or "If they let me sleep in." Etc. You either love someone or you don't. You can't be unselfish in love if you put conditions on it, or make someone fit your ideas of what is appropriate or good, in order to receive your love.

If you can learn to do these three things, you will have unselfish love that will last for along time. Love means opening up your heart and learning to be a unit, rather than fulfilling your own needs, and desires, rather than those of the people around you.