Living together, a step before marriage or a mistake?
Many people ask, "Is living together a good step to take before marriage, or a mistake?" The answer is complicated. In some respects living together before marriage is going to help you see some of the less attractive sides of people, such as their messes, morning breath, etc., before you commit to them forever, however, on the other side, everyone has these things, and you do not have to live with them to accept that. Often living together before marriage actually creates problems, rather than answers questions.
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Let's take a look at both the pros and cons:
Cons:
1. When you live together before you are married you still have your own life. You still have yours and mine, once you are married, it becomes "ours" at least in the eyes of the law. So, living together, while mimicking what it would be like to be married, often does not capture the real things that can create problems in marriage, such as money. Even though you live together, you still have complete say over how you spend the money you earn. When you are married, that becomes a joint decision, and suddenly, her spending $350 on a pair of shoes matters a lot more. So, in many respects, living together before marriage is not as productive as one might think.
2. Often living together before marriage leads to putting off marriage. You already live together, so why rush getting married? Right? Well, this can cause big problems in the relationship, especially if one of the parties is anxious to make it legal, to have that extra bond and commitment that marriage gives you, to start a family, etc. So, in that respect it is not a positive step forward, but actually a step backward in the progression toward marriage.
3. Many view it as immoral. In many cultures, religions, and personal moral values, living together before you are married is looked at as an immoral act. It may cause you to feel guilt, remorse, etc. which can poison a relationship. Even if you personally do not feel that way, others might, and this can affect how you feel. If others start to judge you, look down on you, or talk negatively about your choice, it may sour a good relationship.
Pros:
1. It gives you a chance to see the stuff they hide from you, and determine if it is a deal breaker for you in the relationship.
2. It makes it easier once you are married because you already have a place, etc.
3. It gives you a head start on the marital duties, such as who cooks, cleans, pays rent, etc.
In most cases, living together is less of a step toward marriage, and more of a mistake if you want to get married.
