Loving your adopted child
Many parents are so desperate to have a child, and have to wait for so long for the adoption process, that they do not even think about the other problems there might be when it comes to adoption. One of the problems that are often not discussed are those relating to what happens if they get the child, and struggle to bond with it. What if you just don't love your adopted child?
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Here are some options:
1. Seek counseling. Sometimes the build up to getting a child leaves you unprepared for what to do after. You are so worried about being prepared for the baby, and getting everything with the adoption finalized, that you never mentally prepare to actually take on the role of being someone else's baby's parent. So, it is not a shameful thing to seek out some help in the form of counseling. A counselor can help you adjust to parenting an adopted child, and help you love them as if they were your own. They can help you overcome some of the road blocks that may be standing in the way of you loving your adopted child. Don't ignore the problem because you are ashamed, seek some professional help to change it.
2. Join a group with other adoptive parents. Sometimes it helps to simply know you are not alone. It may feel ungrateful, or disheartening that you are having a hard time bonding with your adopted child, or are not feeling the profound sense of love you thought you would feel. Often this is because your life has changed significantly, and is not exactly what you imagined. Parenting never is, whether it is through adoption, or giving birth on your own. So, don't forget that, or ignore it, instead, find others to relate to. There are groups out there, and the right support group can help you get the issues off your back without leaving you feeling ungrateful.
3. Identify why you do not feel love, and address that specific issue. Is it hard to deal with lack of sleep? Is the child not adapting well to your family? Do you not think the child is cute? There may be a real reason you can't bond, and it might not be as hard to address as you felt. Sometimes having a sitter come for just a couple hours each day so you can shower, rest, get ready, or eat can make a huge difference in how you feel about the child. Do not be afraid to seek out help. It is never easy to raise a child, and just because you did not give birth doesn't mean a baby is going to be easy to handle. Ask for help, there are probably people willing to lend a hand, and this alone could really change how you feel about this baby or child.
