The first thing you have to learn about money is what it means to you and what it means to your spouse. When you can understand what it means to both individuals in the marriage, you can then better face any potential issues you have with money, and come up with a good solution that meets both of your needs.

Money has two fundamental purposes, one is to give you freedom and empowerment. This is the area of money that buys pleasure, such as eating out, going to movies, buying fancy cars, and computers, iPhones, etc. The other is to give you a sense of security, such as clothing to wear, a home to live in, utilities that work, and other basics of living. Because both of these things, security and power are emotion based, money becomes a highly charged subject in marriages.

Let's take a look at an example: Your spouse is perpetually overspending on gadgets and toys. They have to have the latest cell phone, the coolest ring tones, games downloaded on it, and more. They buy all the accessories, and trick their phone out. You on the other hand go for the simple and inexpensive versions, use the standard ring tones, and never opt for the expensive extras. This difference causes friction in your marriage.

Now, let's look at why. First, if the extras are costing you money you do not have, it can cause tension and stress. Second, the need to "keep up with the Jones's can be irritating and can spill over into more expensive areas of life. Third, the basic difference of view points on what is "needed" can lead to a wider gap and problems.

For one party in the marriage, the ability to have a cell phone, and the security it brings is being jeopardized by the expensive tastes of the other party. For example, if they keep this up, the couple may not have the funds it needs to cover the basic cost of the phones, as all of the extras tend to add up fast. For the other party, they work hard, and their friends have nice phones with all of the extras, and so the money it costs to buy the ring tones and the newest phones is worth it because it gives them a sense of belonging, importance, and power. As you can see this is a fundamental difference in what money means to one versus the other.

There are many examples where differences in money occur. And, almost every example boils down to the same basic difference. One person is thinking security, the other is thinking power. However, that does not mean the couple can't find a solution or compromise to the problem. In fact, if you can remember the mantra: "Money matters, but marriage matters more," it is going to be easy to solve the balancing act, and deal with the ever prevalent issue of money in marriage.

First, you have to itemize your current expenditures. This is not always fun because it forces you to look at how you are actually spending, or overspending, the money you have, and take responsibility for it. It is far more appealing to many to simply leave the checkbook unbalanced, then to find out they over spent. It is even harder when you itemize the expenditures and find out you overspent on this or that. However, it is necessary if you want to make your marriage work that you create a workable budget, and agreements on how money is to be used, and this is simply not possible with out itemizing how you spend your money. So pull out your credit card and bank statements, and start to make a tally of how much you have spent on what over the last six months.

Your expenditures list is going to include things like gas, food, mortgage, utilities, clothes, car repairs, licensing your car, household maintenance, health insurance, doctor bills, gifts, appliances, and more. This is going to be a fairly time consuming venture, but it is going to be really good for you to see how your money is being spent. It is especially helpful for finding areas where you are hemorrhaging or leaking money really badly, such as morning coffee out instead of in, or seeing all of the latest movies in the theater, etc.

Once you have your last six months worth of spending itemized, it is time to move on to the next step.

Second, the next step to making sure your marriage matters more than your money is learning how to manage your money appropriately. You do this by looking at your list of expenditures, and figuring out which of those you think are essential to living with a sense of happiness and well-being. This list would most certainly include things like rent and utilities, or mortgage and utilities, however, from there it is going to differ depending on the person. Because of these variations, it is a good idea to do this separately from your spouse. You will get together later to discuss.

Let's look at an example: To live with a sense of happiness and well-being, you may feel that regular shopping trips to update your wardrobe is essential. Your spouse on the other hand may feel that regular vacations is important. How do you find a good solution to this difference of opinion? It is possible, and it is important.

At this point you are going to create a budget that you feel would help you and your spouse meet your monthly obligations, as well as help you meet the things you have put on your list for happiness. When you create this budget you are going to take into account the money you have coming in, and make sure that your budget does not exceed your means.

Now you are going to get together with your spouse and compare notes. You are going to look at each other's budgets, and discuss and compromise to create a budget that meets both your essentials needs for happiness. This means that if she needs money to shop, and he needs money to vacation, you might split some of the money you have budgeted for extras and create separate accounts, to save until you have enough to meet those needs. For example, let's say each month after the bills are paid, and groceries are purchased you have $340 left in your budget. If you both agree that you need a weekly date night that costs $30, you would then subtract $120 from that, leaving you with $220. Now let's say he wants to go skiing, and she wants to buy new patio furniture. The couple could split the rest $110 each to separate accounts to save for the things they each feel are essential to happiness.

It is wise to evaluate how well the budget is working for you after a few months. You would want to make adjustments, etc.

By budgeting in such a way you are taking into consideration both parties in the marriage's needs. This means if you like gadgets for your cell phone, and your spouse likes seeing professional sports, you can both save the extra money for the things you like without putting the other person's security or power needs in jeopardy. No one has to give up something important to them in order for the other to get what they want. Thus both are happy, and there is far less tension and stress caused by money.

Proper money management is the best way to fortify yourself from the problems that occur in marriage because of money. If your bills are being paid, and your list of "essentials" is being addressed, then the tension and stress that often accompany money can be eliminated.

In addition to meeting your money needs now, and the emotional needs attached to money right now, it is also wise to plan for the future. This means plan for retirement, paying for college, and weddings, missions, funeral expenses etc. It is often the worry about the future that leads to money affecting marriage. Your bills may be met right now, but how can you retire if you do not save? Address these in the same manner as you addressed the budgeting of your right now bills.

Do not ever let money become more important than your spouse, your marriage, and your family. Money has a ay of working itself out if you use common sense, and plan well.