One thing that you can do to move past grudges in your relationship is to express your feelings towards the other person. Being that the person who hurt you is important to you and you want to continue having a relationship with them it can be very beneficial to talk to them about how you feel. When talking to them you need to make sure that you talk to them in a non-threatening manner and be careful about how you phrase things. This is important because feelings can run high in situations like this and just one wrong word or wrong tone can cause even more problems. If talking to the person face to face doesn't work for you, you can always write them a letter explaining how you feel.

When talking to this person or writing a letter to them you want to write down exactly how you are feeling and what happened to cause you to feel that way. Remember that what you choose to write about and what you choose to focus on can make a difference in being able to move past grudges. Focus on the benefits that you have gotten from the negative situation because this will help you move on and forgive the person faster than focusing on the negative feelings.

When trying to forgive somebody for what they did to you one thing that might help in the forgiveness is putting yourself in their shoes. Research has shown that empathy when associated with forgiveness makes the process easier. Rather than judging the person and thinking of them as your enemy you need to try to understand what they were going through that might have caused them to act the way they did. You also need to focus on the person's good qualities, and you need to assume that their motives were not meant to cause you pain. If you look at things in a positive light, it can help you move past the grudges you are holding in a relationship easier.

Some people find that if you forgive somebody for hurting you it is going to leave you open for the same kind of negative treatment in the future. What you need to understand is that forgiveness is not the same thing as condoning the offending actions. It is perfectly acceptable for you to enact self-protective plans for the future as part of your forgiveness process. In fact, you want to avoid forgiving people who are constantly hurting you, also known as blanket forgiveness. You do not need to hold a grudge against people in order to protect yourself in a relationship. If you can't seem to get past the grudges, you are holding you might need to seek professional help because a therapist can help you work through your feelings on a deeper level, while providing you with the necessary support.

Just remember that forgiving somebody to let go of a grudge can be hard, but forgiving them is going to allow you to move forward in your relationship. Even if you do move past grudges that you are holding in a relationship that does not guarantee that things are going to go back to normal. How deep the grudge is and what happened to cause that grudge is going to determine if you can repair the relationship, but in either case forgiveness is still possible.