My boss wants me to do more than work
Question: I think my boss may be hitting on me. He is a naturally friendly person, but sometimes his friendliness becomes slightly uncomfortable to me. He stops by my desk a lot just to chat, and he has asked me several times if I am happy in my marriage. I am friendly back, but have never encouraged his advances. I worry though that if I call him out on it, or reject him outright, I may get fired, demoted, or not be promoted when I should. It is a family run company, so there is no one I can go to about this that will be willing to hear about it. What should I do?
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Answer: If your boss is making your uncomfortable, hitting on you, etc. then it is probably a good time to find new employment, or talk to them about your discomfort. It may be that your boss is just friendly, or it may be that they are truly interested, and is using his position to get what he wants. Of course, the fear of job loss, prejudice, etc. can make it difficult to act.
Even if you can't go to someone else in the company, you are not powerless. There are laws about sexual harassment, and if you get fired over a sexual harassment case, you could probably sue the company for damages, but you have to prove that is what was going on, which is extremely difficult to do. Even if you do not get fired, like you said, you may not get promoted, etc. So, you have limited options if you want to keep your job. We say, find a new job where you do not have to deal with sexual harassment from the boss. However, we know this is not necessarily easy to do.
So, your first step would be to report sexual harassment. If you do this, the HR department is required to keep it confidential. If they don't, you again have grounds to go after them. Find out what the company policies are, and what your state laws are concerning issues such as yours. Then, any time your boss does something inappropriate, make sure you report it again. Keep a log of when it happened, when you reported it, and any actions taken, or not taken. This way if anything unfair does happen, you have some proof to back up your claims.
Next, make sure that you do nothing that would encourage his advances. Do not dress provocatively. Do not even smile at him unwarranted, as this can be interpreted as invitation. Instead, respond professionally, but no more.
Next, consider asking anonymously that an office wide class on sexual harassment, handling it, and recognizing it be taught. The HR department should honor those requests, and this might be enough to clue the boss in that he is acting inappropriately.
If all else fails, ask yourself if it is worth working under those conditions, and then talk to the boss head on. Let him know you are very happy in your marriage, and that his advances are not only unwelcome, but are making you uncomfortable. Ask him politely, but in no uncertain words to stop.
