My friend the mooch
Question: My friend is a really thoughtful person, but she is also a huge mooch, and it is so annoying. She is constantly "forgetting her wallet" or saying that she "will get me next time". Sometimes we go out to eat, and she doesn't order, and then she wants to take my leftovers home, or asks for bites from everyone. She never chips in for gas. We rent movies a lot, and she never pays to rent it, and everyone usually brings snacks, but she never contributes. I enjoy her company, but I am sick of always footing the bill. It isn't just money. She always wants to borrow my clothes, and she forgets to return them. How can I get her to stop mooching?
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Answer: You can't change a zebra's stripes. If your friend is a mooch, she probably always will be. However, that does not mean you have to deal with it. It just means you have to learn how to handle the situation so that you are not always being mooched off. It is a powerful tool to learn.
The only way to get her to stop is to not allow it. Next time you are going to go out to dinner, ask her if she has enough money for the place you are going. If not, let her know you are willing to eat in. The key here is to take control of the situation and conversation. So, if she says she is short on funds, then say, "let's make dinner at my place." She will probably agree. Then you say, "Great, you bring (blank), and I will provide (blank)." This does not give her a chance to be a mooch.
If you are heading out to a movie, meet at her place, and have her check for her wallet before you walk out the door. The same works for any activity you are going to do. If you want to keep her from "forgetting her wallet" remind her, and make it really difficult for her to do that.
If you aren't good with the "I will get you next time" thing, then say, "no thanks, let's just pay for ourselves every time, that way it stays fair." You are in control of your own funds, and you don't have to pay for her, so just tell her you won't. If she is used to you paying, she has no incentive to pay for herself. So change this trend, or she will be a millstone around your neck for a long time. If she is supposed to get the "next time" then call her up and invite her out, and let her know that it is her turn.
The point is, whether it is gas, clothes, or food, if you do not want her to mooch off of you, don't let her. Only you can give her of your funds, time, clothes, etc. so stop. Take control. If you want her to chip in for gas, don't wait for her to offer, because she never will. Instead, let her know you are driving, and how much she owes you for her part of the gas. It may be uncomfortable the first time, but you both will get used to it, and you will be able to enjoy the friendship rather than feel annoyed by the constant mooching.
