No matter what I do, I can't please parent.
Having a parent that expects a lot from you can be a wonderful thing. It can make you try harder, reach further, and work yourself to the bone to meet your goals. Being the kind of parent that expects a lot from your kids can also be a good thing. However, when that gets taken too far, and the parent is impossible to please, it can have adversely negative effects on the kids. So, whether you are the parent who can't be pleased, or have a parent that can't be pleased consider the following:
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1. No child should need to seek parent approval. Parents are supposed to love their children unconditionally, and want what is best for them. When a child feels the need to constantly seek parent approval, it undermines their self esteem. While it is important for a child to make choices that will make their parent's happy, they should never make choices only for their parents, but should make choices for themselves. As a child who seeks parent approval, and is not getting it, it is time to look inward, and start focusing on self-approval. Until you like yourself, and are happy with your choices, it is hard for anyone else to be. As a parent of a child constantly seeking approval and validation, you should key into this, and help them to develop a healthy sense of self-esteem.
2. It is usually not about you. When a parent is impossible to please, it usually has nothing to do with the child, and everything to do with the parent. A parent may be struggling with his or her own insecurities and doubts. If it seems like no matter what you do, you can't make them happy, it might just be that they are unhappy about something else, and you are getting the fall out. It sucks to be in that position, but the fact is, it happens, far too frequently. It is like when you yourself are frustrated about a situation and take it out on someone else. So, keep in mind that the inability to please a parent likely has little to do with you.
3. The impossible to please parent should be informed of the impact they are having. Often they do not see, or recognize their own behaviors, or realize how negatively it is impacting their children. Communicating your feelings is an important part of making the relationship work. If their inability to be pleased is a result of something else going on in their life, pointing out your feelings may help them overcome and separate their parenting from their other issues.
4. Find somewhere else to get your validation. It is important to be validated, and since parents are supposed to love unconditionally, they are the most likely source to turn to for validation. If they are unwilling to supply it, find a friend, sibling, etc. that will.
