Overcoming "nobody likes me, everybody hates me"
Growing up is hard. As time continues, it seems as if it just gets harder. School is much rougher on children than ever before. They are faced with so much reality all at once.
Today's studies show that kids are in desperate need of friends. Not a large quantity of them, but a few true blue friends that they can rely on. It is so important. Studies indicate that friendships help determine and influence relationship patterns for adulthood, they influence job and career prospects, parenting of their own children, and of course their own self -worth.
In today's society reports indicate that many children skip school daily because of their lack of friendships and feeling of belonging. Police reports indicate that children are far more aggressive and respond with physical violence more than ever before. Many students indicate that they have a fear of going to their own public school bathrooms for fear of being bullied by a classmate.
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Regardless of what the circumstance may be, there is a real and inherent threat to our children. Friendship is vital. Schools do what they can by implementing bully programs, providing school counselors, and disciplining severely students who bully or abuse other children.
As parents we try to fill the void with things at home, however, it never quite fits the bill. We sometimes think that if we keep them away from others it will be better off. They won't have to worry about the difficulties they might face with friends that have different values. Friendships outside of the home are important and imperative to child development.
Some of the skills and growth that takes place from friends (outside the family) include:
- Problem solving
- Decision -making
- Standing up for one's self - handling ridicule and criticism
- Learning to cooperate and work together
- Learning to understand varying points of view
- Regulating emotions and developing self-control
- Taking responsibility for actions
- Developing trust and a sense of loyalty
- Learning to recognize the weaknesses of self and others
- Developing confidence
- Communicating feelings
- Keeping life in perspective
- Having fun
In order to help your children find the friendships that are so desperately needed, this article provides a few suggestions.
Provide an atmosphere at home that encourages them to socialize with others. Do not let them get overly discouraged that no one out there could possibly want to be their friend. Provide a variety of social activities for them to interact with other children.
Promote their self-worth. This is possibly the most important aspect of friendship. If you aren't happy with who you are, then why would you try to put yourself out there to potentially get hurt by someone. Help your child understand resiliency.
Interact with them and demonstrate through personal example or other games / exercises ways to develop friendship skills. (Like learning to listen to one another).
Remember to allow them to be kids, to play and have fun. It is so important to their overall development.
For other suggestions and hints, there are plenty of books, games, and online support to provide some activities and exercises for friendship building. Take advantage of what is available. Don't allow your child to simply hide out at home. Keep encouraging them. Don't allow academic success to trump personal growth! It is easy to do, because we as parents want the best for our child. However, providing them opportunities to play and have fun provide a foundation that lasts much longer than just the school year's academic improvement. Social adjustment is an important part of becoming a vital citizen in society.
