Pain and love
When someone you love treats you poorly, it stings. In fact, it has a sting to it you don't find in other situations, especially if the poor treatment was unwarranted. For example, if you are walking down the street, and you step on someone's toe, and they call you a name, you might feel bad, but you aren't going to take it to heart, or wonder if you really are what they said. However, if someone you love and respect were to call you that same name, you might question yourself some.
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1. Give yourself space. Sometimes the best thing you can do when a family member, or someone you love causes you pain, is to distance yourself from that person. This is part of the healing process. You have to give yourself an environment that is safe, which means if they cause the harm, they can't be part of the healing environment. You may only need space for a few hours, or it may be a few weeks, or even months. The point is, when someone hurts you, someone who shouldn't hurt you because they profess to care about you, it can damage esteem, and leave someone feeling broken. So, distance and time are often some of the best tools in your arsenal for dealing with the pain often associated with love.
2. Let them know you are hurt and why. While giving yourself some breathing room, you can't just ignore the problem, or hope it goes away. If you do, each time you are with the person you will feel vulnerable, and simply be waiting for their next assault, which means there is no room for growth in the relationship. So, work it out. Tell them they hurt you. Tell them how and why they hurt you. Make sure they listen. If they won't let you talk on the phone or in person, send an email. The point is, get your side out there.
3. Allow them to make apologies, use an open mind and heart. You got your side out there, now it is time to let them get their side out. You have to let them do so with an open heart and mind. It is easy to sit and judge, and not believe their apology to be sincere, or to think that they are justifying their actions. However, if you open you heart and mind you can determine if they feel remorse, and if you can allow yourself to be around them again.
4. Don't jump right back in, as this leads to further hurt. Usually, you need to continue giving some emotional distance, until you are whole again. You may need to rebuild your esteem, and give them a chance to reflect on how they treated you, and how it affected them. This alone often leads to positive change. You can't change them, only you, so give yourself time to change, or become strong enough to deal with potential hurt and pain again.
