Parenting parents
Learning how to be a parent is a process, but most of us come prepared already with a little bit of practice, maybe by helping raise younger siblings, babysitting, or just through observation. Most of us were raised by parents, which helps govern how we ourselves are parents. In addition to this, when you become a parent you have a few months of prep time so that you can get used to the idea, read up on it, etc. You also have a baby that is fairly forgiving, and won't remember many of the early mistakes you make. However, becoming a "parent" or guardian, or care giver of your parents is a different story. Most have no experience in this. Most feel lost or overwhelmed at the prospect of having to take care of an aging parent.
The following are some tips for parenting your parents. They are some small things that will make the difficult transition of being the one relying on, to being the one relied on, as easy as possible.
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First, start with the right attitude. It is evident that should your parents reach a stage in life when they need you to take care of them, you will need courage. Having the right attitude is going to make accepting the inevitable fact that people get old, including your parents, easier. It takes a positive outlook, and a great deal of courage to realize and accept that the person you have been going to for help for many years now needs you, possibly for even the simplest of tasks. The right attitude is going to make a big difference as you have to go through the process of unwillingly exchanging roles with your parents and watch them become the children in this relationship. Giving up control is never easy; imagine having to take control because life leaves you no other choice. It is not easy, but having a poor attitude is going to make it even harder.
Second, learn to be grateful for the opportunity to give back. If you have been a parent to your own children you know the sacrifice and hard work it takes to be a parent. The endless nights of no sleep. The worry, the working hard so that you can buy back to school clothes, the comforting and drying of tears after they lose a game, get cut from a team, or don't get asked to a dance. Though it is stressful to have to see to the needs of your own parents, if you look at it as an opportunity to show them your appreciation it will make the process of role reversal easier.
Third, recognize that life is not over. Many people fear the transition to parenting their parents because they fear the loss of the experiences and enjoyment they once found with their parents. However, if you can keep in mind that experiencing life with your parents does not end because they cannot support themselves as well as they once did, you will see this fear is unfounded. It is true you may have to find new ways to spend time together, or activities may be more difficult, but it also gives you a chance to add to your relationship and add new dimension to what you already have. You might not be able to throw a ball around the back yard with your father, but you could read him the paper and update him on the stats since he can't read the small print, or hear the television as well as he used to.
Last but not least, if you find yourself in the difficult position of having to parent your parents, remember that you do not have to do this by yourself. You can show them unconditional love, and support them without feeling guilty if you get outside help, talk to someone about your experience, or even have to put them under the care of a facility.
