1. The context. Was the racist remark told as a joke? Was is made when you encountered a frustrating situation? Was it made in casual conversation? The reason the context is important is that sometimes people are not actually racist, but make comments that are considered racist when they are frustrated with the person of that race. For example, if an Asian police officer pulled you over and gave you a ticket, you may make a comment like, "Stupid chink!" Even if you really do not feel any animosity or racism to Asians. So, when someone you are dating makes a racist remark, consider the context, and whether or not it has real baring on how they feel toward that race.

2. The feelings behind the comment. Was the comment made in good humor? Was the comment made with venomous feeling? Was it spite or anger? The feeling that runs as an undercurrent behind the comment will make a big difference in what you should think about the racist comment. People often have racist views because of negative experiences with people of that race, and those experiences can leave a negative residue behind that poisons their feelings, and creeps into their comments. Other times comments are made to make a splash, or to show some silly sort of superiority or wit. So, know what the feeling behind the comment.

3. Ask why? The best way to determine how you feel about someone's racist remarks is to find out why they said it. So, ask. This will give you a clear indication of their intent.

4. What are you okay with? Or where do you draw the line? If you are in a relationship with the person, and they make a racist remark, it is time for you to determine what you will do, if anything about it. If you know it is against every moral fiber in your being, you will likely end the relationship, regardless of the reason or context. If you were bothered by it, but willing to give them another chance to show their true feelings, then let them know. You have to decide what your line is. For some it is no-remarks at all. For others it is okay to make jokes, as long as there is no real ill-feeling toward the race.

5. How will you respond? One of the biggest problems people face when dealing with racist remarks in a relationship is how they will respond to them. Do you ignore it and hope it doesn't happen again? Do you say something and let them know you do not like it? Do you educate them? Do you leave them? Too often people ignore it, and later find themselves making the same insensitive comments they despised so.