Re-establishing trust with your spouse
Hopefully the one person you trust most in the world is your spouse. The person you married is someone with whom you have made sacred promises and commitments. You promised to be true to each other and to care for each other. Sadly, many marriages end because one or both partners decide to lie to the other. Obviously the most terrible breach of trust occurs when one spouse is unfaithful to the other. This kind of lie completely destroys the love in a marriage and makes the other spouse feel terrible and betrayed. However, there are other forms of deception that can leave a marriage on the verge of collapse. A husband or wife who lies about money or who won't say where they are going are just a few examples. A spouse might have a drug habit that they don't share with anyone else, leading to a sense of betrayal and anger. Lying about the most insignificant of things can also lead to a general lack of trust. If you find that your marriage is suffering from this type of problem consider the following tips for re-establishing trust with your spouse.
If your spouse has broken your trust or if you have broken the trust your spouse there are a couple of things that need to happen for you to re-establish trust. For either partner there is a need for love and understanding. If you feel anger toward your spouse you need to get past this anger or you will not be able to establish trust. Lingering anger will prevent you from accepting or giving an apology, and an apology is the first thing that needs to happen. Apologize sincerely, and if you are the one receiving the apology focus on doing so sincerely. Next, talk about your feelings and how the lack of trust makes you feel. Be honest and respectful of your spouse; once a spouse has opened up about their feelings you need to be very careful not to offend.
Although a promise has been broken, trust can only be re-established when you make another promise and keep it. Promise to be honest and to communicate more. Once the promise has been made the only way to re-establish trust is to keep the new promises. In time the old problems can be completely forgotten, but only if a new relationship built on trust can be established now. Be patient throughout this process; whether a person wants it or not their trust will not be restored easily. This is partly because a spouse is supposed to be the most trustworthy of friends.
If you have betrayed your spouse's trust you need to be understanding when they feel anger toward you. Expect a strong response to your betrayal at first and admit everything you have done wrong. Any dishonesty at this point in the process will be found out eventually and will lead to even worse problems. You need to be completely honest about what has happened in the past now if you want to develop a strong relationship based on trust. Although breaking someone's trust will never strengthen a relationship, being honest about what you have done wrong will. If you feel guilty about your dishonesty be the one to inform your spouse about what you have done. Otherwise they will find out independently and feel even more betrayed.
With some patience and hard work you can re-establish the friendship and love affair that you began when you were married. A rough spot can lead to even greater love and trust if handled in the right way.