Rules for a break up
The following are some of the rules for a break up, and especially if they broke up with you. Read them out loud, they are self affirming, and important:
1. Do not call. Say out loud.I will not take his/her phone calls. I repeat, I will not take his/her calls. You need to recite this to yourself, and really stick with it, change the masculine to feminine if you are referring to a girl. "No matter what good or bad news I think he should hear only from me, I will not call him. Even if I am convinced it will make me feel better, I will not call him. I will not call him even to get my stuff. I'll have a friend do that, preferably via email." Calling someone after a break up is never a good idea. It means trouble. It is not healthy. Instead it refuels feelings of hate, hurt, love, etc. When you break up you need to try and have neutral feelings for a while. So, no phone calls, or texts. You should not answer calls either, or return them. Get caller ID if you have to, and start screening your calls. Your relationship is over, so give it time to heal before you start talking again.
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2. Do not return emails. Say out loud. I will not return phone calls or emails. If he/she is "just checking" to see how I am, I know he/she is really just checking to see if I think they are a jerk. They are not looking to get back together, they are trying to get an ego boost. If they wanted to get back together they would start out the communication with, "I am sorry. I made a mistake. I want us to get back together." So, don't be fooled. If you return emails you are holding on to a hope that should not be there, and you are boosting their ego.
3. Let it go. Say out loud.I will not look for signs that we will get back together. This includes asking the Magic-8 Ball or tarot card readers and the like. You are through, so let it go. If you are really struggling with the break up, get professional guidance from a licensed therapist or member of the clergy. It can be hard to get over someone, especially if you were together for a long time, but hanging on to hopes that do not exist is unhealthy, and will cause you more pain.
4. Move on. Say out loud.I will not believe this is temporary. I will see this as permanent until proven otherwise by concrete actions, immense apologies and couple's therapy. You have to move forward with your life. Even if you break up with the assumption you will get back together, if you go on living like you are together, no healing, change, or help can happen. So, move forward, and if you get back together great, if not, you are that much further along in life.
5. Get back into the real world. Say out loud.I will not hide under a rock, be humiliated or ashamed that this/her relationship ended. For all I know, this could be the best thing that ever happened to me. And I believe the wonderful stuff I deserve is on its way. You may not feel this way, but say it again and again and you will start to believe it. You can get back into the dating world, and while it may suck at first, you will be happy you did when the right person comes along.
