Saying sorry like you mean it
Apologies are not always easy, especially when you feel justified in what you did, said, etc. However, in relationships, learning how to apologize and say it like you mean it, is important. No one who is unable to say sorry and mean it can ever make a relationship work long term. None of us are perfect, and so none of us can realistically expect to go through life without ever owing someone else an apology. The following is a look at how to apologize and make it sincere:
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Don't make excuses for behavior: One of the worst things you can do when extending an apology is make an excuse for why you behaved the way you did. You are effectively saying that you really shouldn't have to apologize. So, instead of blaming your behavior on someone or something else, or making excuses for how you are acting, just apologize.
Don't try to explain it away: Sometimes we apologize, and then try to justify our behavior or explain the situation away. This is not a nice way to apologize. If you say sorry, do not say, "I did it because." this is the same as not apologizing. Don't explain improper actions, repent of them with an apology.
Acknowledge your part in the problem: When you apologize you can't mean it if you do not take responsibility for your part in the problem that requires an apology. So, say, "I know I did this, and it was inappropriate, and I am sorry." By acknowledging your part in the problem you are not just offering empty words to someone, you are taking on responsibility and trying to make things right with them, despite your misbehavior.
Don't make it conditional: Never apologize with a stipulation. Saying, "I'm sorry if you are." Or, "I will be sorry when this or that happens" makes your apology hollow and insufficient. If you want to offer a true apology, it has to be free of conditions. You are sorry regardless of what happens, what anyone else does or says, etc. You are sorry whether they accept it or not, whether they believe it or not.
Don't expect anything in return: When you apologize in order to get something, or because you expect something out of it, it does not make it a real apology, and the person who is hearing it will have a hard time believing it. It is like when a child apologizes for hitting because they want to get out of being in time out. They are not really sorry, they just do not want the consequences, or they want the treat they will forfeit if they do not apologize, etc. Apologize with no attachments.
Giving a sincere apology requires being sorry for real. Not sorry you got caught. Not sorry that things weren't different. Not sorry that they feel a certain way. Sorry that you did whatever you did, or said whatever you said.
