Sibling rivalry, how to not let it get in the way of your relationship
If you are a parent with more than one child, then you know what it is like to have sibling rivalry in your house. Most of the sibling rivalry problems begin after the birth of the first child and then continues throughout childhood. As parents this sibling rivalry can be frustrating and stressful. So how can we not let it get in the way of your relationships with each of your children? Here are some suggestions on how to deal with sibling rivalry.
Understanding the causes behind sibling rivalry can help you build a better relationship with your children. A couple of causes of sibling rivalry are:
Some children compete with siblings to figure out who they are. They are trying to figure out what talents and interests they have and in doing so they feel the need to be better than the other. They are just trying to figure out who they are. As a parent, you can build a relationship with your child by helping them find what they are good at and be supportive of it. Let all children know that you love that they are good at their own things.
Attention is always an issue with siblings, whether they are toddlers or teenagers. This can also place a lot of strain on parents as it becomes difficult to share your time equally with more than one child. As a parent you will never be able to be in more than one place at a time, but it will place less strain on your relationships if each child gets just a little bit of your time so they feel that they are getting something. Also remember that developmental stages greatly influence how your children view and react to the amount of time you can spend with them.
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While there are many more reasons that cause sibling rivalry, the previous two seem to be the most prevalent. As you figure out what the causes are for your children's' sibling rivalry, here are some things to remember to help you not let sibling rivalry get in the way of your relationships.
Don't compare your children to each other. It doesn't matter if it is with coloring a picture, or academic achievements, or to how fast one can tie his shoelaces. Never make comparisons between your children. All this does is fire up the competitive drive that's in them to beat out the other, and sometimes it makes them feel like you love the other one more.
Encourage your kids to cooperate instead of compete with each other. If they like to compete have them race against the clock, not each other.
Make sure you give each one of your children "alone" time. Let them pick something they love to do, and do it with them. That way you are strengthening your relationship with each child separately and they all feel they are getting a little bit of your time.
Don't play favorites. When I say this, I mean that you need to give each one of your children the same responsiveness, and try to discipline them in the same way.
Listen to your children. If you are unsure how to meet each child's needs, then try listening to them. If they don't come right out and tell you what they need, look at their behavior to see if that doesn't give you some clues. One way to strengthen any relationship is learning to really listen.
Sibling rivalry can take its toll on any parent; it's learning how to deal with it and understanding how to not let it get in the way of your relationship that will make it all worth it in the end.
