Splitting time between in-laws
Marriage brings all kinds of wonderful things, like new family, sometimes children, a companionship, etc. However, one of the things it can also bring is jealousy, and problems with your family. For example, maybe before you got married you spent every holiday or weekend, etc. at home with your mom, dad, siblings, etc. and after you get married, you choose to spend more and more of your time with your spouse's family. Maybe they have more fun options, or do cooler things, or maybe they pay for you to do stuff, etc. Either way, it is important to remember when you get married that you are not replacing one family with a new one, you are gaining a new one. This means that you should not neglect the family you come from, or the family you gain, instead you should be very conscious about splitting time evenly between the in-laws.
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The following are a few examples of times when it is important to be conscious of splitting time between the in-laws:
1. Holidays. The holidays become a time when family notices if you are missing. You may be able to get away with spending less time during the week visiting your family, but if you skip out on them during the holidays, they are sure to notice. So, your options are as follows: Split time by doing both families for the holidays. This might mean Christmas eve with one family, and Christmas day with another. It might mean having two dinners on Thanksgiving, or trick-or-treating two different neighborhoods. You can do neither, so as not to play favorites you can keep holidays strictly between you and your spouse, and not grace either family with your presence. You can switch off. This means you can do the holiday with his family one year, and hers the next.
2. New babies. When you have a new baby, the grandmas grandpas, and new aunts and uncles are usually clamoring to see it, hold it, and spend time with it, and this can be a difficult thing to regulate, especially if you live closer to one set of family than you do to another. So, what can you do? Well, the best thing to do is have the in-laws visit at different times. This way you do not have to tell grandma one that she needs to give the baby to grandma two. Whenever possible stay out of it, otherwise your actions can be interpreted incorrectly, and may lead to fighting.
3. Vacations. If you vacation with one side of your family, and the other side has an interest in vacationing with you, it is best if you comply. It can be a tricky thing because there is always the problem of time off, expense, etc. however, most parent's are not going to want to hear that from their child. Instead they are going to hear, "I would rather spend my time off, and my money on the other side of the family." So, what if one side of the family pays for you to vacation with them, and the other side does not? Basically, you do your best to make it work, consider doing an every other year switch off so you do not have to try and fit the expense in each year, or the increased time off. Just do not be one sided.
If you can be conscious about not leaving anyone out, and making sure that all feel welcomed and loved, and appreciated, then you will have far less trouble with this, and can make your decisions sub-consciously, rather than consciously.
