Spouses yet strangers
It is possible to live in the same house with someone, be married to them, for years even, and barely know them. Often in marriages, too often by all accounts, people grow apart as they have children, take on new responsibilities, etc. It is easy to fall in to routines that involve perfunctory conversations, and occasional checking in sex, but that lack the real bonding and close knit feelings of not being able to live without the person. If you are spouses, but in many way strangers, you are not alone, but there are things you can do to change things, and improve your relationship. First you have to accept and acknowledge the problem exists, then work to fix it.
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Accepting and Acknowledging-
Do you fantasize about other people/lovers? When you find yourself fantasizing about other people, it is not infidelity, but it is a slippery slope that often leads to it and other problems. When you replace your husband or wife with mental images of another person, you are effectively adding to the fuel of the fire of them being a stranger. It is time to put a stop to that. Mentally evaluate your thoughts, and make prompt adjustments.
Do you get excited to see them? Would you rather be with them than anyone else? Do you want to be alone, together? Or do you need a crowd? If you are finding yourself feeling ambiguous, or find that there are people other than your spouse you would rather spend time with, then acknowledging is key to change.
How to fix it-
Give yourself a reality check. Sure it is fun to fantasize about being desired, and burning passions, and sparks, but the fact is, life is not like a romance novel, and you probably felt that for your spouse at one point or another, so you do not have it not because it isn't there, but because you let it go. It may sound great to be single again, or to face freedoms you lost, but truth be told, when the end of the day rolls around, most people find that they miss the comfort, security, and truth that is found in a strong, committed marriage, and prefer that far more than financial freedom, lack of stress, and adventure.
If you are thinking about what you gave up to be married, it is time to switch tracks in your head. If your spouse has become a stranger, it is only because you let it happen, so instead of jumping ship, do the work it takes to remind yourself of what you had, and be willing to accept that as relationships mature and grow, you may lose the excitement of making out in the back seat of the car, but the things you gain far supersede that thrill. The glory days are always better in our heads than in reality, so instead, find ways to feel desirable to your spouse, instead of seeking that elsewhere.
