Telling someone you love you are disappointed in them
Every now and then someone does something that just really hits you in a bad way. You may experience the sense of frustration and despair when someone you love disappoints you. Disappointment is a harder emotion to manage than most, much more difficult than anger or happiness. It often leaves you wondering how to respond. The fact is, people are going to disappoint you to one degree or another during your life. If you want to avoid this, you are out of luck. The key is knowing how to let them know you are disappointed, why you are, and how you intend to move forward. The following are a few guidelines for telling someone you love you are disappointed in them.
Step one: Make sure they know your love is unconditional. If you tell someone you are disappointed in them, their actions, etc. it is often interpreted as, "I don't love you anymore." It is imperative that if you want to preserve the relationship that you let them know that you still love them, and that their actions don't remove the love, just add disappointment to your feelings. If they are secure in your feelings of love for them, then you can let them know you are disappointed without undue harm.
Step two: Explain why you are disappointed in their actions and choices. It is critical that you don't just say you are disappointed, but explain why. Give concrete examples and reasons. It is okay to let them know what you expected of them, and how they fell short. In fact, this is one of the best ways for anyone to learn and improve. Additionally, explaining why you are disappointed will help them understand the severity of the matter.
Step three: Explain how that affects you, and what you intend to do or change because of that disappointment. Maybe you have lost respect for them. Maybe you no longer feel safe in their presence because of their actions. Maybe you need to distance yourself in order to sort through your feelings and come to grips with them. Explaining how the disappointment has impacted you will also help them see the effects of their actions, and possibly motivate them to do better and be better in the future.
Step four: Let them know what they can do about it. You may not have an answer to this, but you should try to come up with one. What can the person do to help you get over your disappointment in them? This is an important aspect of relationships, the willingness to help someone improve who they are and become a better person.
Step five: Check that they understand. Let them explain back to you what you explained to them. That way you can ascertain whether or not you communicated effectively. Do they know why you are disappointed? Do they know how it affected you? Do they know what they must do in the future to rectify and remedy the situation? If so, then you did well. It is not easy, especially when it is someone you care about.