Ten tips for a great relationship or marriage
Relationships are tough, this is evident by the high divorce rate. Even if you are not divorced you probably know someone who is. The problems that lead to divorce are not only evident in marriages, many relationships end before they ever really get started because of some basic problems. The following are ten tips and guidelines to how to have a positive relationship so that it lasts and is enjoyable:
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- Be quick to listen and slow to speak. The fact is many of us may not say anything while the other person is talking, but that does not mean we are listening. We might be trying to think of the next thing we want to say, or we might be thinking of something else. You have two ears, and one mouth, so use this ratio as a guide to how much you should listen versus speak. It takes practice and commitment to become a good listener, but it will go a long way toward making your relationship work, and make it worthwhile.
- You don't always have to be right. There is a saying that goes something like, "You cannot be right and be married." This is because all too often someone will let a big fight ensue or a problem erupt because of their insistence at being right, and sometimes, at proving the other person wrong. Remember, if you want your relationships to last, it is always better to do the right thing than to be right. When you struggle for power, the power in your relationship is lost, so instead, let yourself be wrong on occasion, or at least let the other person think you are wrong.
- Never threaten to leave or divorce. Once you put the idea out there, or the option out there, the dynamic of your relationship is forever changed. Things change between you once you speak these words and it's hard to correct, so no matter how angry you are, or how frustrating the situation is, unless you want to break up, or truly think divorce is the solution (which it really isn't) then do not even hint at it. Take a break by spending a day apart, but never threaten separation or divorce.
- Be quick to say, "I'm sorry". Oh those two little words can be hard to get out, and often times people give them in the hopes of hearing them in return, however, this just can't be how it is. Either be sorry, or don't be, but do not put conditions on your apology, and make your relationship stronger by being willing to apologize. It really is critical to a successful relationship.
- Don't try to make your ideals and principles theirs. You can't expect your spouse to believe all the same principles you do, you grew up differently, and your view on life is going to be different, so if you want a good relationship you need to learn to respect their differences and them. Love them unconditionally. If there is a principle you just can't have differing opinions about, like religion, your view on abortion, etc. then work those out before you get married.
- Be their biggest fan. It is always nice to hear someone say good things about you, so do that for your spouse. Believe in them, give them those kind, uplifting words they need, and do it without them asking for it. Your wife does not have to be in her best clothes with her hair and makeup done, jewelry on for you to tell her she is beautiful.
- If you are fighting with someone outside your relationship, always side with your partner. Even if they are wrong, in public you always need to be counted on to back them up. Discuss later that they may be wrong, or talk to them in private, but respect the relationship enough to back them up regardless.
- Show gratitude. One big problem in marriage is as you get more comfortable you start to take your spouse for granted. Thank them for the things they do for the marriage, whether it is working to pay the bills, or making dinner.
- Work out your differences. Many say to not go to bed angry and this is because it is always important to work out, not ignore your marriage conflicts.
- Show your love, verbalize it, and never stop the passion. Keep date nights going after marriage. Kiss your spouse good bye. Pinch their butt.
