The relationship between gender, siblings, and friends
The relationship between friends and siblings bare many strong resemblances. In fact, there are even a number of commonly used phrases like, "My sister is my best friend," or, "He is like a brother to me," that really illustrate just how often the line between being siblings and being friends can be blurred.
There are studies that investigate how this association is achieved and what characteristics a pair of siblings or friends might need to have in order to attain this close bond. The basic underlying conclusion is that an "understanding of mind" must be achieved. In short, it is necessary for two people to have complementary personalities and to value the others differences as supplements to one's own personality. This correlation was found in obvious forms like how close friends or siblings carried on a conversation, but correlations were also found on the cognitive level. Language skills, communication skills, and socio-economic background were also important factors in explaining what made for a strong relationship between gender, siblings, and friends. Although these factors were not as important between siblings as they were between friends.
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The relationship between gender and siblings/friends is mostly apparent in how it is physically manifested. Men and boys tend to have a less apparent "closeness" that is manifested. Women friends, on the other hand, are much more comfortable with each other physically. Women who are close friends or siblings might not think much of sharing clothes, food, or other items. Men have more of an obligation to stay true to a masculine stereotype and steer clear of being overly physical with one another. This provides one explanation for why female close relationships seem to be so much more common. It may be less of the fact that they are more common and more so that they are easier to spot.
Dependability is another huge factor in defining close friendships. Those who have close friendships or who are close with their siblings, tend to also have a certain degree of dependability to the other person. Close friends and siblings have a need to be with the other individual, rather than just an occasional desire.
Gender and age tend to be especially important in making best friends and having close siblings in the years between ten and fourteen. It is during this age that adolescents will really begin to show whether or not the future holds a strong relationship. Children who constantly bicker with one particular sibling in adolescence will generally not be especially close to that sibling in adulthood (although it is very common for two siblings to see an improvement in their relationship as they age).
With all of these similarities between friends and siblings, one might begin to wonder what could be done to foster healthy relationships such that siblings can learn to become close friends. One helpful suggestion is to find a healthy balance between the amount of time that siblings spend together and that amount of time that they are allowed to spend apart.
While taking family vacations, having a meal together daily, and getting together one night a week for games can help foster a positive relationship, children also need time away from their siblings and doing their own thing with their own friends. Siblings who may have challenges getting along, could benefit from a set of rules that outline exactly what type of behavior is acceptable between siblings and what behavior is not allowed. Providing a punishment if these rules are broken is a needed natural consequence. Parents need to also make sure that they are doing all they can to show by example that everyone in the family needs to be shown love and respect.
