The role selfishness plays in any relationship

It is extremely difficult these days to find a healthy relationship and to have it last. The number of break ups in relationships and marriages is ever increasing and a major underlying cause is selfishness. The role selfishness plays in any relationship is pain and heartache which (if not realized or fixed) will lead to a nasty break up. Many people in relationships do not realize until after the break up, that the root of their problems stemmed from selfishness; whether it was on account of one or both parties. So the key to understanding and having a healthy successful relationship is being able to realize the selfish behavior, stop it, and mend what needs to be fixed.

Selfish Behavior

The dictionary defines selfishness as a few different things:

  1. concerned excessively or exclusively with oneself; pleasure or well-being without a regard for others

  2. arising from concern with one's welfare or advantage in disregard of others

  3. being genetic material solely concerned with its own replication

In all three cases, the one thing that runs true is being concerned with ones self or replication. There is nothing in the word selfishness that says anything about working together, sharing, or being concerned with another person. Selfishness can manifest itself many different ways in a relationship. It can be something as simple as forgetting to call if you're coming home later than usual, to not inviting your significant other to a gathering, to having an affair with another person.

If you are working at a relationship daily then your first and foremost concern should be with the other person. Consider their feelings, or what kind of food they like. Since we as human beings are naturally selfish it will take some work to get past that. Here are some ways to strengthen your relationships and learn to be a little less selfish.

Learn to Communicate

Communication seems to be one of the most important things in a relationship, and also is usually the reason why there are so many break ups. Good communication skills are vital to every relationship. When two people learn to communicate effectively together there is less chance for selfishness to manifest itself without the other knowing.

Trust is essential
Selfishness usually begins to show itself most in a relationship when there is no trust. When people don't trust one another they begin to only look out for themselves. They do things without thinking about the other person, and before you know it end up living separate lives which is damaging to any relationship. After all the point of being in a relationship is so you can share things and work together.

Nice words
Everyone needs to here those three words "I love you." There is something to being loved and loving in return that keeps our spirits soft and humble. We all need to feel loved and cared for. When you tell someone that you love them there is no room for selfishness to manifest itself in the relationship. If you love someone, you want to do things for them and make them happy. If someone else's happiness comes before ours, we want to do selfless things; not selfish ones.

The only reason selfishness should play a role in any relationship is if there is any sort of abuse. Then you must thing of yourself first and keep you and your family safe. That being said, selfishness should not exist in a loving relationship. Creating a healthy and loving relationship is hard work, but if you leave selfishness where it belongs, it possible to achieve true happiness.

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