Tips for getting along with in-laws in unfavorable circumstances
You get to choose your spouse, but you do not get to choose what comes with them. In-laws are sort of a package deal. Some people get lucky and find their in-laws really enjoyable and fun to be around, others are not so lucky. If you fall in the not so lucky category you may be interested in taking a look at the following tips for getting along with the in-laws in unfavorable circumstances:
Tip one: Think positive thoughts. If you let yourself dwell on your unkind feelings it starts to boil up and will erupt at some point. Sometimes you just have to deal with the fact that your in-laws are not perfect. However, if you allow yourself to think about all of the things that annoy you about them it will fester and grow. So, instead of thinking about the bad about them, think about the good. This is not just true for in-laws. When circumstances are not the best, such as deciding whose home to spend Christmas at, you won't have an open mind or be able to think rationally and impartially if you let yourself dwell on all past wrongs and problems. So, start by writing down the things that you like about them. Even if the only thing you can think of is that they parented your spouse, it is a good start. So, once you write it down, review it, review it again and again. You will want to make sure that you review it often enough that when you think of them your initial thought is this good thing, not something bad.
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Tip two: Try to better develop the relationship. A lot of times when you do not get along it is because you have no basis for a relationship, so nothing to fall back on when times get hard. If circumstances are unfavorable overcome them by making your in-laws your friends. There are bound to be things you hate about them, things you can't handle that they do, etc. But guess what, this is something that happens with all friends. Think about it, every friend you have is going to have something that bothers you. So, start by finding a common interest, even if the only one you can find is their child. Then let it grow from there. Spend time together, go out to lunch, shop, see a movie if you really can't stand talking to them. Do what you can to better develop the relationship, and you will find it is much easier to get along with them.
Tip three: Start positive conversations. Do not allow yourself to gossip or speak unkindly about someone else when with them, or it leads to your bonds being formed on the negative instead of the positive. One problem many people face when they are forced to have a relationship with someone they may not have chosen to under typical circumstances is that they form bonds by bashing on others. This is unhealthy. This leads to negative energy, and means your relationship is unstable. So, instead, have positive conversations. Instead of bashing the government, talk about how great the new voter systems are, or how the reform on this or that was good. Instead of saying something negative, find something positive and you will find it much easier to get along with the you in-laws despite the circumstance or your differences.
