Tips on building a relationship with a teenager
As if raising children wasn't hard enough; building relationships with them makes it even more difficult. When they are young it seems all too easy to be involved in their lives and find things in common with them. As they get older however and especially when they reach those teenage years common ground seems to separate and it becomes more and more difficult to build a strong, healthy, and lasting relationship with them. Here are some tips on building a relationship with a teenager.
Tip #1: Try to be as honest and open as you can with each other
Talk with your teens about everything you can think of that they need to know; dating and sexuality probably being the two most important issues. The less they have to wonder about and the more you can teach them the better. Research has proven that the more open and honest you are with your teen the more they will communicate with you about their lives. Adolescent sex has been directly related to how much a parent talks with or doesn't talk with their child. As you try to encourage them to talk about their life you should also talk with them about yours. Tell them about your day at work or what your dreams are. It may sound cheesy but sometimes teens forget that parents have hopes and dreams and it's good for them to see that.
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Tip #2: Be firm and understanding
Teenagers are much like 5 year olds in that they are looking for someone to define their boundaries but still want you to give them some freedom to make their own choices. This can be a tricky balance to strike when it comes to teenagers. You need to provide an atmosphere of acceptance but at the same time you need to be consistent with discipline and enforcing rules. Make yourself available to them and try to let them find who they really are while guiding them down a safe path.
Tip #3: Spend time together
It sounds like an easy enough thing to do right? You'd be surprised at how much will be going on every day when it comes to teenagers and well, family life in general. It becomes extremely hard to make some time in between to spend for anyone, let alone a teenager. Don't let yourself ignore your teen or lose track of who they are. Take the time to spend the time and really stay close with them. The teenager years are going to be the most crucial years for your child and quite possibly the turning point for who they are.
Tip #4: Listen, communicate, and be understanding
As hard as it may be for you to live with your teen, it is just as hard for them to live as a teen. Being a teenager is hard and if you don't believe me then just think back to your teenage years. There is so much pressure to do what everyone else is doing or where what everyone else is wearing. Then if you don't you're not in the "cool" crowd and you're teased obsessively until you think you're going to go nuts. Or if you're lucky you might just fall in between both of those crowds and be able to float through your teenage years without anyone noticing your not "really cool" but you're not a big time "loser." It's tough being a teen today so try as much as you can to listen to their concerns (as superficial as they may seem to you), keep the lines of communication open, and try to be understanding about whatever it is they are going through.
Building a relationship with a teenager is hard work and you will definitely have your work cut out for you. Don't give up though, it will be worth it when they're past these teenage years and they will always love you and thank you for sticking it through with them.
