With over 50% of all first marriages ending in divorce and the statistics being even higher for subsequent marriages people may feel that it is useless to try and have a happy marriage. But relationship experts recommend that by knowing the warning signs early on in a relationship the partners can then determine whether or not problems can be fixed or the relationship needs to be ended before marriage even becomes an issue. If you are in a realtionship and wondering if it is right for you here are 10 warning signs that a relationship is in trouble-
- There is a demonstrated failure to support each other's growth.
The partners feel threatened by each other success and there may be jealously involved. This can be communicated in directly undermining ways like when one partner threatens to end the relationship when the other is succeeding and then withdraws the threat later when the other's success begins to flounder. This can also be demonstrated passively/aggressively by moping, irritability or other tension that results in the successful partner feeling they have to minimize their achievements or hide them in some way.
A demonstrated hypersensitivity to "control issues" in arguments. This is often demonstrated by a partner having every request for compromise or a change in behavior result in some comment referring to "not needing a mother/father."
Selfishness or a focus on what you are getting than what you are giving. This is often shown in keeping score, especially an internal hidden tally of all the times one has "given in" or done something for the other.
A constant resistance to taking responsibility for oneself and one actions. If your partner is constantly shifting blame to someone or something else this can be sign that he or she lacks the maturity to be held accountable for their actions.
Forgetting the "or worse" part of the marriage vows whether married or not, a failure to equally share the burden during hard times. Statistics show that many marriages can not bear up during extreme economic or health stresses. If your partner is unwilling to be there for you during the bad times before marriage do not count on them after since it is unlikely to change.
A focus on the end of the relationship. If one partner is constantly obsessing over how and when the relationship will end this can be a highly destructive sign in a partnership. While it is natural to be wary of being hurt a failure to commit to the success of the relationship long-term often dooms it right from the beginning.
Actions and words that demonstrate a basic lack of respect which includes calling each other names, using sarcasm or demeaning each other in the name of humor. This is often shown with cruelty in arguments and use of personal insults when angry. A red flag is if one or both partners uses anger as an excuse to be hurtful.
Sneakiness-Trust is the basis of any good relationship. If you cannot trust your partner it is unlikely to improve after marriage. While misunderstandings can arise generally people who have nothing to hide do leave their life open to their partner.
One partner constantly frames every compromise as a win-lose proposition. If partners see compromise as a losing game they are generally unwilling to make the long commitment to a permanent relationship. If true compromise does not only exist but is not acknowledged in the relationship than it has little chance of succeeding long-term.
Choosing a partner because being with someone is better than being alone. If either one of the partners feels they must rationalize their choice of partner than the relationship is not built on a true foundation. Relationship experts recommend that if you cannot say immediately and with enthusiasm why you are with your partner,than you must ask yourself why are you with your partner? Partners in a relationship must treat themselves and each other with respect and not use each other as place-holders until something better comes along or as a way to stop from being alone if nothing does.
