Number one: Make them focus
When you and your teen are talking, give them your full attention, which can be hard because of how busy everybody is. However, giving your teen your full attention is important because you are making it appoint to stop and listen to them, which means you will really listen to them not just hear what they are saying. Giving them your full attention also shows that you care about them because you are taking the time to listen. This can also help increase your chances of them listening to you.

Number two: Get details
You need to really hear what your teen is telling you. Many times teens tend to give one-word answers that do not include details and in most cases, the details are important. Since your teen might not be volunteering the information, it is going to be left up to you to open them up and get the details. You will need to draw them into a conversation by listening to them and not arguing with them. For example, if they make a statement about not liking somebody or something you can ask them why they feel that way. You need to validate their feelings and let them know it is okay to feel that way, even if you do not think they should be feeling that way.

Number three: Open-ended questions
When you are communicating with your teen, it is crucial to ask questions. However, when you ask them questions you need to avoid asking questions that only require a yes or no answer. You want to ask them questions that require them to think about what is going on and provide you with the details. These open-ended questions can help you learn how your teen is feeling and why they are feeling that way. They are also a great way for you to get details, when teens don't like to give them.

Number four: Don't criticize your teen, criticize behaviors
Many times as a parent, you want to see your teen make some kind of change in their behavior, but talking to them about it can be rather hard because it turns into a fight. When talking to your teen about changing their behavior what you need to do is word what you are saying carefully, you do not want to attack your teen, but you want to address their behavior. For example, use the "when you (do something) I feel (how you feel) because or I need" or the "I" message. You are making the conversation about their behavior and not about them being a bad person, which is helpful because they will be more apt to listen than tune you out.

Number five: Let the consequences fit the action
When you have to punish your teen for doing something wrong most of the time, you do not apply a penalty that fits their actions. What you need to do though is show your teen that every choice they make, right or wrong, has some kind of consequences. Instead of taking, their TV away for a week for not doing their chores makes them do your chores in addition to their chores for a week. This shows them what happens if they don't do their chores and you have to do them.