What you need to know about sex and dating: Featured Article

The hardest part for anyone when dating is knowing when you are ready to move your relationship to the next level. For most people being ready for sex is a psychological and physical change that they must be prepared for. The best advice anyone can give you about dating is to know yourself. You must understand what your core values and emotional needs are. Too many people are unsure of what they really want and wind up in an unhappy relationship, blaming the other person for their faults. You need to know what type of relationship you want before you just jump into it head first. Once you have begun dating someone, it is important to do a "check-up" and make sure you and your partner are communicating effectively and are truly happy with your relationship.
Dating Advice
Before we jump into sex, let's discuss the basics of dating. For a teenager, dating can be a scary thing, from calling the person, to meeting her or him at their parent's house, to making up conversation on the date. For an adult, dating can also be scary for some of the same reasons, plus the idea of marriage may pop into your head. And for anyone who has recently gotten out of a long-term relationship, jumping back into the dating scene can be scary and difficult.
The current divorce ratio in the United States is approximately 3.6 per 1,000 marriages. If you want to avoid becoming one of the 3.6, here are some basic dating tips to start with:
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Knowing who you are - The best thing you can do for yourself and anyone you date is to know yourself. What are your core values? What is your view on marriage and children? How do you view finances in a relationship? What is your decision making process? How do you feel about divorce? Do you have religious expectations?
Helpful Resources: Preparing Teens for Sex This is a great web site for a teenager who is considering becoming sexually active. It provides 8 tips they need to know about sex before they make the decision to have sex. Preparing for Sex Statistics on Divorce and Marriage Building Relationships Online Magazine on Sex and Dating Senior Dating Tips Having Safe Sex Deciding if Your Ready |
As you can see, there are several questions you need to answer for yourself before you begin quizzing your "perfect match" on the first date. Most of the answers you have will not change; they were established inside of you when you were growing up. It always helps to find someone who shares similar core values as you do. Opposites do attract, but it may be harder to come to an agreement on some tougher issues like children and finances.
Evaluate your existing relationships - Who are the people you enjoy being around most, is it your family, your friends, your coworkers? By identifying the type of people you like to be around, you will be able to find someone who can fit your emotional needs. You obviously want to find someone who can bring out the best in you, and vise-versa. Make a list of what you think your greatest attributes are, physically, emotionally, and mentally. Then write down all the people you like to be around and what character traits they bring out in you. This will help you narrow down certain personality traits that you want to start looking for when you are dating.
Now that you have taken a good look at yourself, it is time to apply what you have learned. This is the scary part for many people, where to begin. Some people prefer to hit the night clubs, social clubs, office parties, or even the internet. Others prefer the old fashioned "luck" of magically running into the right person at the right place and time. No matter what method you want to use, get out there and do it! A common mistake you can make is assuming that someone with killer looks possesses all the same character traits as you. It's ok to be "guarded" on the first few dates while you are learning about this person.
Most psychologists believe that dating a person for 2 months will give you a good look at where the relationship is headed. They call this the "toe-curling tingles", where your heart will rule over logic and trick you into thinking your new found heartthrob is perfect. Starting a relationship with just dating, not sex will help you gain emotional distance and really get to know the person before you move onto the next phase.
When you do decide to move onto the next step and begin having sexual relations with this person, you may start answering harder questions. You can see if the person was just "playing" you to get you into bed, or if they really do care about you. If you start noticing red flags, ask questions and if you aren't satisfied, cut your losses and move on.
Sex
Taking the leap into bed can also be just as difficult as asking for the person's phone number. For a woman, sex not only involves the physical aspect, but a large psychological aspect too. This is also true for many men, though some will not allow themselves to believe it. So how do you know when you are ready to have sex?
Your heart and mind may be thinking two completely different things. You should know yourself well enough to know if there is something that just doesn't feel right and you are just not ready. Your partner should be understanding and not pressure you into doing anything you are not ready for. Sex should not be taken lightheartedly and you should not have regrets afterward.
Sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) are often not brought up in a conversation. If your partner is carrying an STD, you have a right to know before you engage in any type of sexual activity. Open communication in your relationship will take care of any life altering or even fatal mistake.
Pregnancy is another concern you should have when engaging in sexual intercourse. If you are 16, getting pregnant is probably one of the last things on your mind when you are having sex. At age 25, it might not seem as scary or you are open to it. Unprotected sex will always leave a window of opportunity for pregnancy. Take the necessary precautions to have protected sex or take contraceptives to reduce the risk of pregnancy.
Losing your virginity seems like a "right of passage" for many teenagers, even those who have waited for that special someone. Before you lose your virginity, you need to take a moment and really think about it. If you undervalue your virginity, you may wind up making a big mistake, or regretting your decision down the road.
Know yourself and why you want to have sex. Hormones tend to confuse your body into thinking lust is love. Be honest with yourself and know why you truly want to have sex before you allow your hormones to control your actions.
Sex and dating
Sex doesn't always mean marriage or a long-term relationship. By being open and honest with your partner and yourself before you engage in sexual intercourse, you can save yourself some heartache. It is always a smart idea to talk about sex with your partner before engaging in sex. This way, you will know the status of your relationship and you won't be hurt if he/she doesn't call you the next day.
The best way to have a good relationship is to communicate with each other. By starting this during the dating phase, you will be prepared for the decision to engage in sex. You also need to know yourself well enough to know your sexual boundaries. If you are the type of person who loses self control after a couple drinks, you probably should limit yourself to drinking too much.
Have a regular "meeting" with your potential partner to discuss parts of your relationship that mean a lot to you. Obviously STDs need to be discussed on this date and you should also discuss your religious or personal beliefs. Many people might think they are in love with a person, and they suddenly are hurt or shocked to learn about some of their beliefs.
Again, knowing yourself before you jump into the dating world is important. If you are hesitant to express your feelings on the first date, ask questions about the other person. Once you know about them, you might feel more comfortable opening up to them.
Open communication will help you learn about the person and build the road for a consensual, committed relationship. This is why many people have found that it is best to wait before engaging in sex. Sex will mean more when you have an emotional relationship to support it. If you are the type of person who expects sex on the first or second date, you need to make sure you are dating the right crowd for this. People who you meet at a bar might have a totally different mentality from someone you meet at a business conference.
Overall, there isn't a "one size fits all" rulebook when it comes to sex and dating. It is really up to the individual person. By following some of the tips listed above, you might feel the pressure lighten and you can jump out into the dating scene again.
