Where do you Fall?
Think about your relationship with your siblings. Has it changed much from when you were kids? The most common answer is no. Sibling bonds and rivalries are generally established during childhood and continue through adulthood, although it may appear to be at a lesser extent when it comes to rivalry. Where you fall in the order of siblings can have a profound impact on who you are, how your personality develops, and your relationship with your siblings. Birth order combined with age gaps has been sited as one of the leading influences of sibling rivalry as well as strong sibling bonds. Since birth order is one thing that can't be changed in the dynamics of sibling relationships, it is best to learn how birth order affects children's personalities and sibling bonds. Unlike the importance of age gaps that diminishes with age, birth order can impact the whole of your life through the influence it has on your personality. The information below is a summary of the findings of a study conducted by Alfred Adler, one of the leading authorities on birth order's psychological effects. There are also suggestions on how to deal with sibling relationship issues caused by typical personality traits associated with birth order.
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The Oldest Child: The oldest child of the family is most often the authority or leadership figure among the children. The oldest child is given more responsibility for their siblings, and as a result generally exercises dominion over their siblings. They have a tendency to tell others what to do and try to control their younger siblings. The effects on a sibling relationship are probably pretty obvious. No one likes to be lorded over and most people don't like to be told what to do, especially by a sibling. The authority part of the oldest child's position in the family isn't all bad though. They tend to become leaders among their peers, accept responsibility and have a drive to accomplish. One of the best ways of dealing with a bossy older child is to give them an outlet for their authoritative behavior so they don't take it too far with their siblings.
The Middle Child: The middle child's personality traits are undefined, but they often feel like the invisible child. This can create conflict in their sibling relations as they try to compete with their older sibling for accomplishment and their younger sibling for attention. Although you may not undervalue your middle child, they are often overlooked and seek for validation outside the home. The best way of dealing with an attention starved middle child and resulting controversy is to give each of your children attention equally and to not single out anyone for praise or reprisal in front of their siblings. This isn't easy to do, but will help immensely in the long run. Sometimes the traits of the oldest child can apply to a middle child as well, especially if there is a large age gap between the two, the middle child has a strong personality, or if the oldest child abdicates responsibility for rebellion. This can also cause relationship issues, especially between the two oldest children and can often result in a life-long rivalry between the two. The same suggestion for the oldest child can be applied in this case.
The Youngest Child: The epitome of the youngest child would be one that is spoiled and attention hungry, though this is of course not always the case. However, it is very common for the youngest child to expect others to do things for him or her and to chafe against older siblings telling them what to do. The youngest may easily make friends which could be a point of jealousy for older children. One way to deal with this sibling relationship issue is to give the youngest home responsibilities and empowering them to make their own decisions from an early age.
