Why you should never try and sacrifice your values to save a relationship
Every relationship demands sacrifices. We all make them. Whether it is sacrificing your love of having a clean house so you can be with someone who is a little messy, or sacrificing sleeping in because you have children, you will probably make sacrifices regularly. They are a routine part of life. Sacrifices are made daily when you have a relationship, and sacrifices are part of what makes relationships strong. Every relationship demands adjustment, a little give, a little take. However, there are some sacrifices that should never be made, and one of these is sacrifices of your values. If you sacrifice your values to save a relationship, you do the opposite, you doom it. Compromise of preference is important; compromise of principle (or values) is fatal.
Preference is preferring to have a clean house over a messy, or preferring someone squeeze from the bottom of the tube of toothpaste, not the middle. Principle is stuff like eating together as a family, protecting the environment, never being disloyal.
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We all have our values. There are certain principals by which we live by, whether that is always being honest, loyal, and just, or not killing the environment. Your values are part of who you are. So, you have to determine what your values are, and recognize why changing those values means losing yourself. For example, a green activist can't keep themselves with that identity if they are asked to kill whales, something that clearly goes against their values, and they "compromise" and do so. This may be an extreme example, but it illustrates the point well. Your values are part of who you are, so you can't sacrifice them and be comfortable in a relationship, and therefore any relationship where values are sacrificed will fail.
If any extra marital love is totally unacceptable to you, meaning fidelity is a value that is part of you, your relationship will not survive if your spouse cheats. You may try and be okay with it, but if it compromises a fundamental value you live by, it will eat at your foundation, and the relationship will crumble. You have to determine now and repeat to yourself often "I will never compromise on this set of values that I cherish." Know your values and be prepared to stick up for them.
It is true that every relationship is based on give and take, but if you have to give on one of your values something terrible happens. What happens is you either break the relationship because you can't give in on your value, or you do give in on your value then hate yourself and them for allowing it to happen. Either way it is a lose-lose.
So, instead of sacrificing your values for the sake of your relationship, you have to set a clear expectation, know your values, and make sure your partner knows your values. Recognize the consequences that come with breaking these boundaries, and be prepared to deal with these consequences. You have to make compromises, but make compromises of preference, not principle. It is the compromises of preference that make relationships stronger, and helps them to grow. It is compromises of principle that undermine relationships, weaken their foundation, and eventually cause them to crumble. So, any compromise on highly cherished values will doom the relationship and you will be a loser both the ways. So, decide now not to sacrifice values, and you will have healthier, happier relationships. You will find that your relationships last.
