Working on relationships with in-laws
It can be hard enough to get along with our own family, let alone the in-laws. Many marriages are dissolved because the couple was unable to work out their personal frustrations with their in-laws. There are some in-laws that are supportive, loving, and respectful of you while there are others that cannot seem to accept you as part of their family.
It is important to remember that if you love your spouse and you want your marriage to work, you will need to work on building relationships with your in-laws. Here are some tips that may help you work through your struggle to build successful relationships with them:
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- Remember that whatever you may think or feel about these people, they mean a lot to your spouse. They aren't your parents, but they are your spouse's parents and they truly care for them. Seek out ways to make your spouse happy by respecting some of their rules when you are at their home. Make an attempt to compromise some things to keep your spouse happy. If you feel like you are spending too much time with their family over yours, make a list of the different activities and rank their importance with your spouse. This way you can pick and choose which ones you need to attend as a couple and which ones your spouse can go solo to.
- You cannot change your spouse and you certainly won't be able to change your in-laws. Do not set expectations on what you want your in-laws to be like; this is just setting them up to fail. Look for the positive attributes they have and pay attention to those instead of the negative ones. These people may not be your best friend's, but they will enrich your life in some way. If anything, respect them and show them gratitude for raising your spouse to be the wonderful person they are.
- Go to every family gathering with a positive attitude. You don't need to be 100 percent all the time, but it helps to have a positive mood if you struggle with relationships with the in-laws. Instead of dreading the event, look forward to it. Look for activities you can enjoy with your in-laws as this will help to draw you closer together.
- Talk to your spouse about your struggles and let them know if you need a little break from family events. Some people come from homes where they only see their extended family once or twice a year; others come from homes where they see them once or twice a month. Be mindful of your spouse's upbringing and do not overwhelm them with your family. Forcing them to do too much will cause a barrier between the two of you and it could lead to some unnecessary arguments down the road.
- To strengthen your relationship with your in-laws, invite them over. Host a game night and get to know them a little better. Your spouse will appreciate the nice gesture your commitment to making the marriage work and your in-laws will appreciate your sense of responsibility and love for their son/daughter. Try to pick events where you can laugh together, this helps to break down and tension and barriers that may be part of your relationship.
- If you see a clash coming, do everything to avoid it. For example, if you are a Democrat and your father-in-law is a Republican, don't sit around and talk politics to one another unless you can find some mutual ground. Most of the time you will clash and your relationship will continue to detiorate.
- Learn to accept your in-laws for who they are. This is the best way to keep your spouse happy and to keep your marriage strong.
