Children Not Wholesale: Why You Should Not Compare One to Another

Children can be the joy of your life but raising them is anything but easy. Stress and lack of sleep can be leading factors why you can do or say things that you shouldn’t do. One of those things is comparing children to one another.

When you compare children to one another, several things occur:

Toxic Relationships

Siblings are supposed to be there for each other. If you start comparing them to each other, feelings of resentment will start to fester and ruin their relationship. What parents do not realize is that the feelings of inadequacy or inferiority to a sibling can stain the relationship for the rest of their lives.

Rather than having siblings that are supposed to look out for each other when the parents are gone, you will have adults who harbor resentment toward each other. Not exactly ideal for a loving relationship!

Self-Esteem Issues

Children are still growing. They are discovering who they are—what they like and what they are good at. They will not have a chance to do that if at every opportunity they are compared with a more successful sibling.

Confidence is needed to be successful in life. If you clip that by comparing them, you effectively contribute potentially damaged individuals to society.

Distance from Parent


When you start comparing your kids to each other, they can feel that you favor one sibling over them. This can drive a wedge between you and the child. If a child feels that they cannot rely or count on their parent for support that is hardly conducive to a well-adjusted individual.

You may be in charge now but you won’t be forever. Children might be a bit more understanding while they are young. They might even be inclined to give you numerous chances. However, once their feelings have hardened against you, not much will soften them toward you again.

Always Remember

Children are not an extension of you. Children are not a second chance for you to live the way you wanted to. Children are their own persons with their own plans, dreams, and aspirations. It is your job as a parent to help them realize who they want to be. You do not do that by comparing them to one another.

Give them a role model to aspire to—an elder rather than a sibling or a cousin. You can even use a famous person as a role model. No flower grows by being kept in the shade. It is needs sunlight. So what better ways can you inspire your child to do better?

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